


not alone

by hipgrab (merrymegtargaryen)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-03-27 05:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 79
Words: 34,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13874454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merrymegtargaryen/pseuds/hipgrab
Summary: A collection of unrelated oneshots.





	1. Chapter 1

It happens so quickly that Leia isn’t even really sure what she saw was real.

They’ve landed on a particularly stormy planet, and Rey is one of the only people who doesn’t mind making several trips in the lashing rain. She loves it, and Leia supposes that’s to be expected from a girl who spent 19 years on a desert planet where water was rationed out like a luxury. The younger woman splashes into the hangar, wringing out her clothes, when Ben approaches with a blanket. Rey tilts her face up at him, smiling, as he wraps the blanket around her shoulders, rubbing her arms to warm her up.

It happens so fast, but there’s a moment where Leia thinks that Rey is about to tilt her head, where Ben is about to lower his, where Rey will stand on her toes to meet him.

But the moment passes and they both look at their shifting feet, and Leia wonders if she really saw it at all.

Except, it happens again in the mess hall, when Ben wipes a smudge of something off the corner of Rey’s mouth, and it would be so easy, wouldn’t it, for him to close the gap and kiss her.

“What’s the problem?” she asks later. “You like her. She likes you. So why are you dragging your feet?”

“I’m not,” he says, scowling. Then, softer, “You think she does?”

Leia rolls her eyes. She can’t help it. “You’re just like Luke—you’re staring so far off in the distance you can’t see what’s right in front of you.“

He opens his mouth to argue, but there’s a chime at his door and he grants access. It’s Rey, pink-cheeked and a little out of breath. “Leia,” she says in surprise. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt…”

“That’s all right.” Leia looks between the two, and if she wasn’t sure before, she is now. “Did you want to talk to Ben about something?”

“Mother,” Ben hisses, like he’s thirteen instead of thirty, but Rey colors.

“Yes, but I can come back…”

“No, no, I was just leaving,” Leia says. She gets up, giving her son a knowing smile. “He’s all yours.”

_You’re the worst,_ Ben accuses through their Force connection.

She just winks at him. _I know._


	2. Chapter 2

They don’t try to read each other. They communicate with their bond, strange as it is, and they sense things, but they do not ever pry into one another’s minds again. But oh, how Rey would like to at moments like these.

He’s just…standing there, and staring at her, and she doesn’t know why but she has the distinct feeling that he’s mentally undressing her. She would know if she just pressed past his walls, but they don’t do that, so she just…stands there and lets his eyes devour her.

It goes on for a few minutes, and finally she shifts and asks, “Like what you see?”

His eyes travel up to hers and there’s a blush there. She could smirk if she wasn’t so pink herself.

“Sorry,” he murmurs. “It’s just…” His eyes take her in again. “You really are very lovely.”

Rey has gone from pink to red. “Oh. Thank you.”

He raises his eyebrows. “Was that wrong?”

She shakes her head. “No—no, it wasn’t wrong. I just. No one’s ever called me that before.”

Unbidden, an image comes to mind. Not her image, though—his. His image of her, splayed out on a bed while he shows her how lovely she really is.

“Sorry,” he says again, red-faced too. “I’m sorry, I didn’t—“

“It’s fine,” she says quickly. She gives him an impish smile. “It’ll give me something to think about…later.” She turns and heads to her quarters.

There’s a pause, and then she hears him running after her. “In a good way?”


	3. Chapter 3

He’d thought that he’d just needed to kiss her once or twice, just to get it out of his system. He should’ve known better.

He’s never felt this needy before. But as soon as he kisses Rey, he can’t _stop_ thinking about kissing her. He’s drunk off the taste of her. He _needs_ her. 

“You’re ridiculous,” she tells him when he pulls her into an alcove. 

“I know.” He does. He really, really does. 

She wraps her arms around him anyway, giggles against his lips when he lifts her so that their faces are level. “I have to go,” she murmurs. “I have work to do.”

“Just one more.” It’s what he says every time, and Rey knows it. 

She shakes her head. “Ben, I really have to go.”

He growls but sets her down, reluctantly letting go of her waist. 

“I’ll find you later,” she promises, standing on her tiptoes to kiss his jaw before she bounces off down the hall. He watches her go, warm around the collar, and starts to leave when she appears around the corner, barreling him into the wall. Her hands fist in his shirt as she stands on her tiptoes to kiss him. “Just one more.”

He wraps his arms around her waist and holds her there for much longer than one kiss. 


	4. Chapter 4

Hux was standing outside Kylo Ren’s door, an expression of contempt on his face, when Lieutenant Mitaka found him.

“Um, sir?” Mitaka asked timidly. “We’re awaiting orders.”

Hux pointed a gloved finger at the door. “They’ve been in there for five hours, lieutenant.”

Mitaka licked his lips. “I know this isn’t an ideal time, General–”

“It isn’t an ideal time! It is an incredibly inconvenient time!” Hux exclaimed. “They won’t stop…copulating!”

Mitaka opened his mouth, but the door swished open, revealing a very bedraggled Kylo Ren. He was shirtless, covered in hickies and scratches, and wearing a grumpy expression. “General Hux, I can assure you that the last thing I want to hear when I’m with my dark queen is your voice. Keep it down.” His frown deepened. “Why are you standing outside the door, anyway?”

“Supreme Leader,” Hux gritted out. “We are under attack. We need orders.”

“Hmm.” Kylo Ren pretended to think about it. “I’ll deal with it later.”

“But–”

“Enough!” The door swished shut. A few seconds later, the two men heard loud, unmistakable sounds.

“What are we doing to do?” Mitaka asked frantically. “They’re closing in.”

“I’m aware of that,” Hux snapped.

“Oh, gods, yes, fuck me like that, ohhh, fuck…”

Hux winced. “Perhaps…perhaps I shall–”

“GO AWAY, HUX!” Kylo Ren roared from inside. “AND DON’T GIVE ANY ORDERS UNTIL I SAY SO!” The rhythmic banging sound did not stop.

Hux obeyed, scuttering away before his supreme leader could chastise him again.

“Sir?” Mitaka asked.

“Oh, bugger off!” Hux snapped.

.

Two hours later, Kylo finally emerged from his chambers. Hux wasted no time in running to his side. “Supreme Leader, half of our navy has been obliterated, we need orders–”

“Ugh, fine,” Kylo Ren groaned. “Fire at will.”

Hux blinked. “Is that…all?”

“Yes, that’s all.”

“But–”

“I’m just getting a snack,” Kylo snapped. “My dark queen is sleeping and I don’t want to disturb her.”

Hux blinked. “Are you…are you joking? Sir?”

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

He did not.

.

In a matter of hours, the First Order’s entire navy was destroyed. Hux personally surrendered to Poe Dameron. The rebels found Rey and Kylo Ren still in his chambers.

“Do you mind?” he groused. “We’re a little busy at the moment.”

“I believed Rey when she said she was gonna take down the First Order,” Finn said to Rose later. “I just didn’t think it would be this way.”


	5. Chapter 5

His defection will begin in two hours. In two hours, he will issue a series of commands that will cause the First Order’s fleet to self destruct; by the time Hux or any other commanding officer has any idea what’s going on, the Resistance will have them surrounded. The First Order will fall, the Supreme Leader will surrender, and Kylo Ren will become Ben Solo once more.

Two hours is such a long time, and yet, so very near.

They are curled together, in his room and in hers. He can hear only faint noises from her end, but the look on her face is enough to tell him.

“I have to go,” she whispers, not making any move to leave the circle of his embrace.

“I don’t want you to,” he says, as if a stubborn little boy.

The corner of her mouth quirks in a smile. “You’ll see plenty of me when this is over.”

He drops his eyes.

“Ben,” she says gently, pressing even closer to him. “You can do this. I know you can.” He doesn’t say anything again, and she presses a kiss to his chest. “You won’t be alone. I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“I know.” His hands come up, tangle in her hair. “I know what I have to do.”


	6. Chapter 6

“He can’t just take a Jedi to the gala with him,” Leia points out. “Everyone will notice.”

“I’m sitting right here, Mother, you don’t have to talk over me,” he says, looking moodily at the holo in front of him. “But you are right–I can’t go to the gala with a Jedi, especially when we’re trying to lure my assailant into revealing themselves.”

“With all due respect,” Rey says, which is her usual way of beginning a sentence that’s about to be disrespectful, “You can’t not bring me to the gala–they’re sure to try something there. You need me by your side.”

“I agree,” he says.

“What are you getting at, Ben?” Leia asks, hand on hip.

Kylo finally looks up. “Rey will accompany me to the gala in disguise. That way she’ll be at my side should my assailant reappear, but no one will realize that I have a Jedi bodyguard.”

They consider this.

“That’s not a bad idea,” Leia finally concedes. “Luke?”

Her brother, who is present through a holo projection, nods. “I think it’s an excellent idea.”

“Good–I’ll make the necessary arrangements.” Leia cups her son’s cheek, giving him a small smile. “We’ll get to the bottom of this, sweetheart, one way or another.” Then she turns to Rey. “Keep an eye on my son, will you?”

“I will,” Rey promises. As soon as Leia leaves, however, she rounds on Kylo. “What exactly am I supposed to do at the gala? I can’t exactly pass as a diplomat.”

“Just pretend you’re my date,” he says with a shrug.

Rey looks horrified.

“Didn’t my uncle ever teach you to conceal your emotions?”

.

Leia sends over a gown the day of the gala. Rey doesn’t know where it came from and isn’t about to ask. She’s always liked the older woman, who she’s met several times since Master Luke took her under his wing. Kylo, on the other hand, she can barely stomach at times. His birth name is Ben Solo, but Solo is a smuggler’s name, a war hero’s name, and Ben wanted to be his own person, so when he went into politics, he changed it to Kylo Ren.

“You didn’t even keep your first name?” she asked him once, when she was an overly inquisitive preteen.

He hadn’t liked that question.

In fact, Kylo seems to like Rey about as much as she likes him, which is to say, not at all. It’s bad enough he needs a Jedi protector in the first place, but for his protector to be a slip of a girl ten years his junior who can’t stop asking impertinent questions is something of an insult to him; that, in turn, insults Rey, and it’s just a never-ending cycle of stepping on each other’s toes. She isn’t happy about being his date to this gala, and even though it was his idea, she has a feeling he is equally unenthused. But it is a good idea–whoever is trying to kill him will surely make an attempt in such a busy, crowded ballroom, where they can easily get lost in the sea of faces and use one of the hundreds of exits. They’ll never expect him to have a protector, especially not one wearing a gown.

And speaking of…

Rey tries, with little success, to adjust the gown, but there’s something catastrophically off about it. She spends an embarrassing amount of time in the room where she’s been staying while protecting Kylo before swallowing her pride and poking her head out of the door. “Uh…Senator?”

“Yes?” he calls from his own room next door.

She swallows. “I need…um…help…with this…gown.”

The pause that follows is so long that she fears he’s ignoring her. But finally, he comes out of his room, looking resplendent in robes of black and red. He eyes the gown and his lip curls.

“I’ve never worn one of these, okay?” she snaps. “You don’t have to laugh.”

“I don’t have to,” he agrees. “But I will. Turn around.”

She does, if only to hide the redness of her face. She feels his hand touch the bare skin of her back and jumps.

“I’m sorry,” he says, no longer laughing. “I won’t be long. Can you raise your arms?”

She does, feeling a bit like a child being dressed as he adjusts the fabric. Thankfully, he’s true to his word and doesn’t take long. The gown is longer and flouncier than Rey initially thought, which is good because it will make concealing her saber that much easier, but there is also very little material on her upper half and she feels impossibly exposed. Kylo seems to have noticed this too because he asks, “My mother sent this?”

“Um, yes.”

He shakes his head. “Well, when you’re ready, we can go.”

It only takes a handful of minutes for Rey to arrange her hair in three buns and then to slip her saberstaff into one of the enormous pockets in her dress. She takes a blaster, too, for good measure, and gives herself a once-over in the mirror. She’s unrecognizable. The dress isn’t nearly as elaborate as half the outfits Rey knows she’ll see tonight, but it’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever worn. Blue and shimmering, she looks nothing like a Jedi. She looks like she could actually be the type of person who dates senators and goes to galas. Steeling herself, she walks out to the lounge, grateful Leia sent a pair of shoes that won’t fall off if she has to quite literally be quick on her feet. Kylo is looking at his datapad, but when he sees her, his eyes widen. He stands up, discarding the datapad on the sofa.

“You look lovely,” he says. “Truly.”

Rey wills herself not to feel too flustered at this compliment. “Thank you, Senator. Shall we go?”

It’s a short ride to the reception hall. Kylo steps out first, holding out a gallant hand for Rey. She isn’t used to being on the receiving end of such chivalry, especially not from the likes of Kylo Ren, but she forces a gracious smile on her face and accepts his help as she maneuvers around her voluminous skirts. There are paps all around, cameras and recorders going off, and Rey has to fight every defensive instinct and allow Kylo to rest a hand on her back (which is, for the record, still rather bare) and guide her into the hall. It’s a riot of noise, Chandrilan strings filling the hall while politicians and celebrities talk over each other. Rey takes Kylo’s arm, content to let him lead the way while she keeps an eye out for suspicious activity. She quiets her mind, reaches out into the Force. There are so many here who are corrupt, who have generally ill intentions, that it isn’t easy to find ill intentions leveled at Kylo Ren.

Kylo says hello to a few people, introducing Rey simply as Kira. Most of them seem surprised that Kylo has a date, a fact which she does not hesitate to share with him as soon as they are out of earshot.

“Instead of teasing me for my personal life, perhaps you could do your job and protect me?” he suggests in a bored tone.

“I can do both at once.”

He takes a sip of his wine. “I don’t bring dates to functions like this as a general rule.”

“Why not?”

Shrugging is beneath him, so he manages a dignified roll of the shoulders. “I like to keep my personal life separate from my professional life.”

“That’s respectable,” she says, as if she would know. She wouldn’t, for the record. There is no personal and professional in the Jedi Order; they are one and the same. “Is that…hard?”

“Yes,” he says honestly. “Which is why I don’t have much of a personal life.”

Rey thinks of saying something, though she isn’t sure what, when something flickers in the Force. She forces herself to remain still even as she reaches out with her feelings.

“Rey?”

She pushes him to the ground a split second before a blaster shot ripples through the air, searing the marble floor. People around them scream and shout, but Rey ignores the calls of, “Are you all right?!” and searches for the attacker. There, a Gungan on the second floor, hurriedly pocketing the blaster.

“He’s getting away!” she shouts, but the security detail is nowhere in sight.

“Let’s go after him!” Kylo says, already getting to his feet.

And that’s so not safe, that’s so not something Luke would approve of, but they need answers and Rey can’t just leave Kylo unprotected, so she lets him pull her to her feet and keeps her hand in his, both of them running to the back exit. Everyone is too surprised to stop them, leaping back as the Nubian senator and his mysterious companion flee the gala. It’s mostly politicians taking the air out here, some hatching plots and others seeking a private place to let hands roam, but there is only one Gungan. He’s well ahead of them, but Rey and Kylo thunder after him and into the speeder parking lot. He hops in one and takes off; it isn’t even a question for Rey and Kylo to hop in the nearest one and tear after him. She steers, of course, urging the engine to give her all it’s got so she can catch up to Kylo’s would-be assassin. They duck and weave through traffic, ignoring the angry blares.

“I think you might just do my assailant’s work for him!” Kylo shouts after a Mandalorian nearly turns them into Bantha fodder.

“Quiet!” Rey shouts back.

They finally pin him in an alley with a dead-end, Rey stunning him with her blaster. She pulls out her saberstaff but doesn’t ignite it quite yet, crouching beside the Gungan. He’s out cold, but it doesn’t take long for Rey to revive him. She does ignite her saberstaff this time, one end aimed at his throat as she begins her interrogation.

“Why were you trying to kill Senator Ren?”

The Gungan swallows. “I had orders.”

“From whom?”

He hesitates.

“Tell us,” she demands. “Who gave you the order?”

“Boss Otha.”

“Boss is what the Gungans refer to as their leader,” Kylo says quietly.

But that doesn’t quite add up. Why would the Gungans turn on a senator from their own planet? Didn’t Kylo represent all the people of Naboo?

“Who does Boss Otha work for?” Kylo asks.

“I don’t know!” the Gungan insists. “I don’t know anything, just what Boss Otha told me!”

“What did Boss Otha tell you?” Rey asks.

“Just that I had to kill Senator Ren! That’s all!”

They comm the authorities, who haul the Gungan away to a holding cell while they figure out what to do with him. Kylo reaches out to the Queen of Naboo to inform her about the assassination attempt and what the Gungan told him, then comms his mother and Luke to tell them the same thing. It’s a long time before he hangs up, rubbing his tired eyes. The Nubian government is going to detain Boss Otha and launch a full-scale investigation, but for now, there’s nothing either Kylo or Rey can do.

“You should get some rest,” Rey tells him from where she’s looking out the window.

“We both should.” He leans back against the sofa. “You saved my life tonight.”

“Just doing my job.” She glances at him. “I’m glad you’re all right. And I hope we can get to the bottom of this.”

“There was tension between the humans and Gungans on Naboo for years until Queen Amidala and Boss Nass reached a truce. A Gungan representative even served the Old Republic. Relations have been peaceful since then.” Kylo rubs his jaw. “I can’t imagine what would cause Boss Otha to want to end that peace.”

“We’ll know soon,” she says, but of course, she has no way of knowing that. She wants it to be true, wants nothing more than for Kylo to be safe–but a selfish, dark part of her wants for it to take a long time. Or at least, she wants to remain Kylo’s protector. She wants to be by his side.

“Yeah.” He heaves himself to his feet. “Good night, Rey.”

She hesitates. “Senator?”

“Hmm?”

She reaches for the clasp of her dress. “Um…this dress…could you help me…? I had so much trouble getting into it…”

He looks at her for a long moment, eyes unreadable, before nodding. “Of course.” His hands nimbly, easily, unclasp the dress, and she feels the fabric start to droop. “It really is a beautiful dress,” he says softly.

Rey catches the dress before it can fall past her breasts, feels Kylo’s breath against the back of her neck. “Thank you,” she whispers, skin prickling.

The Jedi Code forbids emotion. It forbids passion, too, and chaos, and Rey is nothing right now if not full of emotion, passion, and chaos. This is forbidden. What she feels, what she wants, are forbidden.

She drops her arms and lets the dress fall.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS RATED M JUST BEWARE!

“What do you mean,” Rey grits out, “there aren’t anymore beds on the _Falcon_?”

Chewie yowls back at her, reminding her that the porgs have done so much damage to the ship (they multiply _fast_ ) that it’s a miracle they have any furniture left at all. Only two of the bunks were salvaged, and since Chewie isn’t exactly an accommodating size, Rey and Ben will have to share the other.

“I can nap in the cockpit,” Ben offers, though he doesn’t sound thrilled at the prospect.

“Don’t be stupid–you won’t get a decent sleep in those chairs.”

“We could take turns,” he suggests. 

Chewie growls. They could _share_ the bed. 

“No,” they both say at once. No way. No.

“We’ll take turns,” Rey decides. “And switch out every couple of hours. I’ll take first shift in the cockpit.”

It’s damn uncomfortable trying to sleep in the cockpit. Rey grew up sleeping sprawled out in an AT-AT, and after that, she always had a bed. She doesn’t know how to sleep in a chair. She tries closing her eyes and nodding off, but it’s impossible to find rest. By the time she goes to trade shifts with Ben, she’s exhausted.

“Switch,” she demands, coming into the bunk.

He doesn’t move.

“It’s my turn for the bed,” she reminds him, giving his shoulders an ungentle shake. 

“Mmph,” he manages. 

“Get up, I want to sleep.”

“So do I,” he grumbles.

“Go sleep in the cockpit, then!”

He pauses to consider it. “No.”

Rey smacks his leg. “Asshole! You agreed to switch!”

“I’m altering the deal,” he mumbles. 

“You can’t do that!”

“I can, I am, and I will. Now please stop talking.”

Rey smacks and shoves Ben, but he swats her away as easily as he would a bug. “Fine,” she snaps. “I’m getting in bed. Have fun getting kicked in the ribs all night.”

He just shrugs, barely moving as she gets on the bed and wriggles into a semi-comfortable position where she doesn’t have to touch him. Much. 

“You’re an asshole,” she reminds him. 

“I know.”

.

When Rey wakes up, she’s warm and comfortable. She shifts to find a softer patch of her pillow and is annoyed to find that it’s all firm. She shifts again and realizes that it’s not her pillow. Her eyes flutter open and she finds herself face-to-chest with Ben. That’s his arm under her head, and his other arm draped over her torso. She would store this away for future blackmail if it isn’t for the fact that she’s thrown her leg over his hips in her sleep. 

She starts to pull her leg away, but the movement presses her ever so gently against Ben and

Oh.

_Oh._

He’s hard. And it’s brushing right up against the spot where her currently spread legs meet. A spot that is warm and, to her horror, wet. 

 _Traitor_ , she tells herself. She tries again to move, but the motion makes Ben stir, and for some reason his instinct is to wrap his arms tighter around her, drawing her even closer to him. His hardness is pressed up against her now, and she bites back a groan because it actually feels _good_. After a long moment, the stillness of it pressed against her starts to drive her crazy, and her hips involuntarily rock. She does make a sound at that, her satisfaction outweighing her embarrassment. She rocks her hips again, her breathing coming faster now. _Stop,_ she begs herself, _this is wrong, this is so wrong._  

She tries again to move away from Ben, but his hips chase after hers and he half-pins her to the bed, his cock rutting against her. Rey should be horrified, but…she’s not. Instead she’s really, truly, ridiculously turned on. She lets him rut and responds in kind, trying not to make too much noise and wake him up.

Except, he does wake up, his eyes snapping open mere inches from hers. 

“Rey?” he breathes.

“Ben, I…” She doesn’t know what to say. What can she say?

“I thought it was a dream,” he mumbles, starting to pull away.

“It is,” she says, her leg tugging him back to her. “It’s just a dream.”

He knows it isn’t, but he also knows that she’s granted him permission while also offering him the opportunity to pretend it never happened. His lips descend on hers, kissing her hungrily while he moves fully over her. She adjusts eagerly to the new position, her legs wrapping around his hips to urge him on as they continue rutting against one another. The friction is just right, the feel of his hardness rubbing against her clit, her underwear and sleep pants so damp that she’s hypersensitive to his every movement. She reaches down and grips him, both of them gasping as she takes him in hand. He’s so _big_. She strokes his length, grinning when he bucks into her hand.

“Rey,” he says in a strained sort of voice. “I’m gonna…”

She snaps her wrist up and down, squeezing his cock until he shudders over her. His thrusts slow and weaken, and then he rolls onto his side, panting. 

Rey becomes increasingly aware of the fact that she hasn’t orgasmed yet. Ben does, too, because as soon as she reaches down to alleviate the ache between her legs, he snakes an arm around her and flips her over to her side, her back flush against his chest. Without a word, his hand pushes under her pants and underwear, his long fingers finding her soaking wet sex. She cries out as two fingers curl easily inside her, and in another moment his thumb is circling her clit. His free hand squeezes her breast, still caging her against him. He thrusts his fingers in and out, increasing the speed as she begins to whine. She sobs when he adds a third finger, her hips canting as he fucks her with his hand.

“I want,” she tries to say. “I want…”

“What do you want, Rey?” he murmurs against her neck.

“I want to _come_.”

“Come for me,” he urges, kissing her just behind the ear. 

Rey does come, muffling her cries in the pillow as the walls of her sex spasm against his fingers. 

“Fuck,” he whispers. “Fuck, that was…you…”

She tries to say something but nothing coming out of her mouth is intelligible, so she gives up and lies boneless in his arms. 

“That was a hell of a dream,” he mumbles.

Rey smiles despite herself. “Think…it could be…a recurring dream?”

His thumb swirls her clit, and he doesn’t miss the way she bites her lip. “Oh, I think so,” he murmurs. “Yes, I think I’ll be having this dream _a lot_.”


	8. Chapter 8

Rey hears the familiar vacuum of air to signal the bond is coming alive. She staunchly ignores it, leaning so far into the greasy machine parts that she is in very real danger of falling into them.

“A sight for sore eyes,” Ben says, and with a flush, Rey realizes that her derriere is in his face. 

“Don’t be a pervert,” she says, shifting to a less obscene angle. 

He peers into the tangle of machine parts. “What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to fix the stabilizer, but it would be easier if you weren’t lurking.”

“I’m not lurking.” He pauses. “Have you tried by–”

“–passing the compressor? Yes.” 

He cocks his head, absorbed in the work before her. Then he nods. “I see what the problem is.”

“Oh, do tell, wise one,” she says sarcastically.

“You have to replace the negative power coupling. See?” He points, and she’s dismayed to see that he’s right. 

“Maybe,” she concedes grudgingly. 

Ben actually smirks at her. “I grew up on this ship. My father had me holding wrenches when I was three, and by the time I was ten I could fly this thing on my own.”

“Maybe,” she says again.

“Just admit I’m right.” His hand brushes hers and she recoils, her earlier frustration replaced with embarrassment. He gives her a lopsided smile, one she’s never seen him make but one she knows she’s seen before. “What are you afraid of, Rey?”

“Afraid?” she echoes. 

“You’re trembling.”

“I’m not trembling,” she lies. 

He’s so close to her now, crowding her in against the wall panel. “You’re afraid of how much you want me. You’ve never wanted anything this much in your life.”

“No I don’t, I–” she starts to say, but he kisses her and then there’s no point in protesting because he’s right; she’s never wanted anything this much in her life. 


	9. Chapter 9

“Wait, let me get this straight,” Rey said. “You’ve never flirted with anyone? Ever?”

“I don’t think so,” he said honestly. “I was always afraid of coming off creepy or something, so I just…kept things platonic.”

She wasn’t necessarily surprised–he hadn’t flirted with her at all before they started seeing each other. Even after that, he’d been very direct in all their interactions. He was a very direct person. That was one of the things she liked about him.

“What about you?” he asked, and she saw a faint blush on his cheeks. He was embarrassed. “I never took you for a flirtatious person.”

“I’m not, really.” And she wasn’t. She was like Ben–direct. Blunt. “Well, I tried a few times when I was underage and wanted a drink.”

He rolled his eyes. “Great.”

She tilted her head, batting her eyes at him. “It worked on drunk old perverts.”

He furrowed his brow. “What are you doing?”

“I’m _flirting_ with you _,_ ” she explained. 

“Yeah, well, it’s not working.”

She snorted. “Fine, see if I have sex with you tonight.”

“Oh, I think you will,” he said smoothly. “Especially when you see what I’ve got planned.” He smirked at the intrigued look on her face. 

“You _can_ flirt,” she said. 

“I can do a lot of other things, too,” he murmured, giving her hand a small tug. She happily followed.


	10. Chapter 10

Normally, Rey can feel the connection. There’s always a vacuum of air, and sometimes a faint popping sound, like the one her ears make when she enters or exits the atmosphere. But she can’t hear anything over the sounds of the refresher, so when she turns around to see him standing a few feet away from her, she starts.

“How long have you been standing there?” she demands.

His lips twist in a smirk. “Long enough to enjoy the view.”

She flicks water at him. “Get in.”

He does, stripping himself bare before he steps into the jet of hot water. His hands reach for her hips, tugging him against him. Rey presses her front to his, sighs against the feel of his skin against hers. He feels so nice. Hard, yet soft. Strong, yet gentle. 

“Rebel base?” he guesses.

“Mm. Somewhere private, I hope?”

He chuckles. “In my chambers–though I confess I would’ve had a hard time ignoring you like this even if I was in a very public place.”

“I’ll have to keep that in mind,” she teases. 

His hand slides to her rear and gives it a squeeze. “Try anything and I’ll have to punish you for it.”

She looks up at him through her lashes. “Promise?”

He lets out a small growl and backs her against the tile wall. “Careful,” he murmurs, nipping her neck. “I always make good on my promises.”


	11. Chapter 11

“So Rey,” Poe says with a smirk that can only mean trouble. “Get into a fight with a Mandalorian bat?”

“What?” she asks in confusion.

He indicates his neck. Rey’s hand rises to her own throat. “I don’t—“

“You have a hickey,” Rose explains.

Rey flushes. “Oh.”

“So who are they?” Poe demands.

“Um…” Rey says, thinking fast. “No one.”

“No one, huh? Well, no one made you walk bowlegged in here this morning.”

Rey takes a long sip of caf to hide her blush while her friends all laugh.

“We’re happy for you,” Finn reassures her. “We just want to know who this person is.”

“Really, it’s no one,” Rey insists. “Just…someone I ran into.”

“Do we know them?” Poe asks. That’s a trick question because Poe knows everyone on the base.

Rey takes her time chewing her bagel. “Sort of.”

“So mysterious!” Rose laughs. “But you like them?”

“Yes,” Rey says, burying a stupid grin.

“Oh my god!” Finn exclaims. “You don’t just like them, you’re in love with them, aren’t you?!”

“I’m not telling you who it is,” she says, picking up her tray. “See you at drills.” She hurries away from the table, letting them guess who her mystery lover is.

“That true?” a voice teases from just behind her shoulder. “You’re in love with me?”

“Shut up,” she hisses, keeping her voice down so no one hears her talking to thin air. “You could’ve told me about the hickey.”

“I could have,” he admits lazily. “But why ruin the fun?”

“You’re the worst.”

“But you love me anyway.”


	12. Chapter 12

Rey hasn’t thought about her parents—her real parents, not the glimmer of hope she pretended was her parents—in years. They really were nobody. Scavengers, just like her, but scavengers with a penchant for drinking. It had been so easy, even then, even right as it was happening, to pretend that ship in the sky belonged to her family, that they were leaving her there for her own good. She’d screamed at the ship to come back even though she’d never seen it before, even though her real parents were walking away. Stumbling away, really, because they were so far gone by then.

It was so much easier to pretend. To pretend that she couldn’t remember them, that they were heroes who loved her and would come back for her. Maybe Han was her father, or Luke, or another character in the story.

You’re nothing. You come from nothing.

In…what, thirteen? Fourteen? years…only one person has made her face the truth. Not even Unkar Plutt shook her out of her fantasy. But Ben Solo cared about her too much to let her keep pretending.

Long after everyone else has gone to sleep, Rey locks herself in the refresher, curls up in a corner, and weeps. She’s sad, but there’s a stronger emotion simmering under the surface—anger. Anger at her parents for selling her, anger at Unkar Plutt for buying her, but most of all, anger at herself for believing her own game of pretend for so long.

There’s another presence in the room, and it takes her a moment to realize that it’s him.

Ben.

He’s clutching his lightsaber, the red blade crackling and hissing, but he makes no move to use it against her. He looks torn, as if he wants to be angry but has forgotten how.

“What happened?” he asks, sounding for all the world like a little boy. “Rey?”

She shakes her head, wiping her wrist across her face. “Not now, Ben. Please.”

His lightsaber extinguishes, and she can feel him probing into her mind. She lets him, too tired and angry and hurt to put up a fight. Besides, it’s not as if he doesn’t already know.

“Rey,” he says softly.

“Do you think,” she begins in a thick voice, “If they hadn’t…if they hadn’t drunk so much…”

Do you think they could have loved me?

“Rey.” His voice is firmer now. He kneels before her, peers into her eyes. “Your parents did not deserve you. That miserable junkyard did not deserve you.”

“I know,” she whispers. It still hurts.

He holds out a hand. Rey hesitates, then takes it. He pulls her to her feet, then wraps his arms around her, drawing her against his chest. “You deserve the galaxy,” he murmurs into her hair. “You deserve so much more than anyone could ever give you.”

That only makes her cry harder. She buries her face in his chest, smells his sweat and salt from Crait and the faint smoke of the throne room. She doesn’t know what she deserves, and she knows even less what she’s willing to take from him, but this, right here, right now, is enough. It has to be.


	13. Chapter 13

It’s late when the connection hums to life. Late for her, anyway. There’s no telling what time it is where he is. She thinks idly of rolling over and going back to sleep—she knows he won’t mind. But she catches sight of him bent over something, face furrowed in concentration, and like a child, she lets her curiosity get the better of her. She slides out of bed and onto the floor, peering at he work in his lap.

“Writing?”

“Calligraphy.” His brush forms sure but careful strokes, coaxing characters onto the page. Rey has seen people make scratchy writing on scrap paper, but she’s never seen anything this beautiful before. His hand hovers over the page. “Do you…know how to write?” he asks hesitantly, as if afraid of offending her.

It’s a fair question—what need would a scavenger have for writing? “A little,” she tells him. “No one ever taught me, I just…copied what I could read. I never used a brush like that.”

“Even people who can write well struggle with the brush.” He hesitates again. “Would you like to learn?”

She considers his question. “You’d teach me? To do…calligraphy?”

“If you like.”

She nods. “Yes.”

He smiles, wraps her fingers around the handle of the brush and shows her how to grip it. Together, they make sweeping lines and round curves, ending with a curlicue flourish that makes her giggle at the ostentatiousness of it all.

“My name’s never looked that pretty before.” She holds her finger a few inches from the page, traces the pattern.

“Your name is beautiful,” he murmurs. “As are you.”

She flushes. “Stop,” she mutters, because it doesn’t matter how many times he’s said it, she never gets used to it.

He presses his lips to her temple. “No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

She takes the brush and leaves a stripe down his cheek. “Yes.”

He nuzzles his cheek against her face and neck, making her giggle as he smears the black ink all over her. She gives him a small, halfhearted push, but when his lips find hers she wraps her arms around him.

“Come help me wash this off,” she murmurs.

He scoops her up into his arms and carries her into the fresher. “We should take a full shower, just in case.”

“Of course.”


	14. Chapter 14

“And look, his first day of kindergarten!”

Rey and Leia coo over the picture of the gap-toothed little boy, unkempt black hair flying everywhere as he proudly displays his first day of school outfit.

“Can we please. Stop. With the baby pictures?” Ben groans.

“These aren’t baby pictures—you’re five here,” Leia points out.

“Mom!”

“You were so cute!” Rey gushes. “What happened?”

Both she and Leia roar with laughter.

“Dad, can you please intervene?”

Han grins at his son. “We’re making up for a lifetime of girlfriends you didn’t bring home, kid. Rey, did you know Ben used to rage poop?”

“Dad!”

“Whenever he got angry he’d screw up his face and poop right then and there.”

“DAD.”

“Okay, we’ve humiliated our son enough,” Leia chuckles. “Come help me with dinner, flyboy.”

Han does, swatting her rear as they disappear into the kitchen.

“I can’t believe you talked me into dinner with my parents,” Ben groans.

“I love your parents.” She moves closer, forcefully cuddling her boyfriend. “And they’re so happy to see you.”

He grunts in response. Rey knows he still has a lot of emotional baggage to unpack regarding his parents; the fact that they’re even here at all is a sign of how much progress he’s made.

“They love you,” he says. “My dad has always been my wingman whether I wanted it or not but now he’s gonna make sure you never get away.”

She kisses his cheek. “It’d take a lot to make me get away from you, Ben Solo.”

He doesn’t say anything, but the blush on his cheeks says more than words ever could.


	15. Chapter 15

Ben throws a wrench at the communications panel in frustration.

“Don’t bust it up even more!” Rey chides.

“It’s not working, what could a wrench possibly do to make it worse?”

She folds her arms over her chest. “So what now?”

He shrugs. “Looks like we’re stuck here until Luke comes looking for us.”

“That could be days.” Rey chews her lip. “What…do we do?”

He shrugs again. “Look for the sacred Jedi texts, I guess.”

He has a point—that’s the whole reason they came here in the first place. Luke was supposed to come with his padawans (Ben isn’t a padawan anymore, not really, but he’ll never stop learning from his uncle), but an emergency on Ord Mantell required his attention, so he’d sent Ben and Rey on ahead of him. And now, here they are, stranded on Ahch-To because they made planetfall directly into a lightning storm and it had fried both the main frame circuits and also the communications panel. They have no way of getting off the planet and no way of contacting anyone.

They’re stuck.

Rey strides down the ship’s ramp, smiling a little as the wet air hits her. She loves water, even now, even years after leaving Jakku. She loves visiting ocean planets, rainy planets, anywhere with water. It feels obscene, that so much water can exist in the galaxy.

“Yeah, yeah,” Ben mutters behind her, pulling up his hood. He does not share her love of water. “Looks like there’s shelter ahead.” He points a long finger up the slope of the island, and even in the darkness Rey sees that there are indeed a cluster of stone huts. Her heart thumps at both the thought of so much history and also a place to sleep that isn’t the small ship she and Ben took here. She’s never gotten used to space and its quiet coldness. She bounds up the steps. Ben follows at a slower pace, but he’s never far behind her—his legs are much longer than hers.

All of the huts are empty, as they knew they would be. Rey takes one and Ben takes the one next to it, but they decide to break into their rations in Rey’s hut, where they build a fire and let it warm their cold, wet skin. Rey has just drawn her blanket around her shoulders and is looking up at Ben to ask where he thinks the sacred texts might be when she feels…something.

“Ben?” she asks softly.

“Hmm?”

“Do you feel as if…as if we’ve been here before?”

His face is impassive, betraying nothing. He always was better at guarding his feelings than she was. “No…and yes.”

“You weren’t here,” she says slowly. “But…you were, somehow.”

Still that impassive stare. “I was with you.”

“Yes.” Her heart races. “I was alone…”

“You’re not alone.”

She swallows. “Neither are you.” She hesitates, and then slowly reaches out her hand. His own hand reaches out, and after a long moment, their fingertips touch.

It all comes rushing back.

The First Order, the Resistance. Snoke. The creature in a mask. Takodana. Han Solo. The woods. Luke Skywalker. Ahch-To. This island. Here, now. You’re not alone. Neither are you. The Finalizer. The throne room. The lightsaber rent in two. Red salt. I will not be the last Jedi.

Rey doesn’t know who pulls back first, only that when she comes back, she and Ben are flung on opposite sides of the hut, gasping as if they’ve been running.

“Ben,” she cries, and in an instant he’s crawled across the hut and gathered her to him. She tilts back her head and he kisses her, long and deep. Her cheeks are wet with her tears and his.

“Why is the Force doing this?” he mumbles.

“Darkness rises,” she remembers. “And light to meet it.”

He kisses her again, and it doesn’t matter to her why the Force is doing this, not as long as it means he’s here in her arms.


	16. Chapter 16

When he sees the _Falcon_ land, when he feels her Force signature, his heart begins thumping in his chest. He runs, his long legs carrying him so far that she barely makes it down the ramp before he sweeps her into his arms.

“What’s wrong?” he asks at once. “Are you hurt?”

“No.” She shakes her head, drawing back to look at him. “I had to come see you.”

His hand cups her jaw. “I told you to stay safe and _wait_ for me.”

“I know, but I sensed you were in danger.”

“So you put yourself and our child in danger too?” He’s so angry and he feels, oddly, the urge to cry. That she could worry about him like this, try to help him even with their baby, their _daughter,_ heavy inside her. How can she care about him so much?

“Is it over?” she asks, ignoring the way his jaw sets. “Are they…did you…?”

“They’re dead.” His voice is cold and distant. “They won’t try to hurt us anymore.”

She sags in relief. “Come home, Ben. Please. I can’t think straight when you’re not there–I worry about you too much.”

“I’m only coming home because I don’t want you putting yourself in danger again,” he grumbles, but he kisses the top of her head anyway. “Get on the _Falcon_ , I’ll follow in the Silencer.” 

She’s reluctant to part with him so soon after reuniting with him, but she does as he says, clearly sensing that he is not in the mood to argue. Chewie is waiting at the top of the ramp, and Ben points an accusatory finger at him. “Don’t ever let her do something like this again!”

 _I tried!_ the Wookie yells. _She has a will of iron! Your cub is going to be a terror!_

An absurd sort of grin breaks out over Ben’s face. “Yeah,” he agrees. “She is.” 


	17. Chapter 17

Hope was a happy baby. She was always smiling and rarely ever fussed. She was the kind of baby who fell down and walked into things and always picked herself up, laughing so hard she almost fell down again.

Anakin is the opposite. He isn’t a fussy baby, but he gets spooked easily. He wakes them with crying more often than not, and he spends more nights in their room than in his own. 

It’s one of those nights where they hear crying from down the hall and they both go to check on him. Ben always goes, which Rey suspects is because it physically pains him not to comfort his crying child. She comes with him most of the time, not because she worries about her children (she never needs to worry about them when they’re with their father), but because she knows it means a lot to Ben. He doesn’t want his children to grow up the way he did, with parents who never seemed to have the time or energy for him. 

“Brother is scared,” Hope says sleepily as they pass her room.

“I know, love–go back to sleep.”

Ben reaches the crib first, lifts the wailing baby into his arms and cradles him close. “It’s okay,” he murmurs, rubbing Anakin’s back with his massive hand. “You’re safe now. I’ve got you.”

Rey leans against the doorway, watching the two of them. It always makes her profoundly sad, to hear Ben telling their baby that he’s safe. That he knows any baby could ever feel unsafe. But she knows, too, that her children will never feel as lonely and frightened as she and Ben did. That whatever wakes Anakin crying at night is only a passing thing, that he is so loved and safe and his parents will always have the time and energy for him. 

“We love you,” Ben murmurs, and she realizes that his eyes are on her. “Mama and I love you so much.”

Her heart aches, just a little.


	18. Chapter 18

In all honesty, she really should’ve seen this coming.

She’s kept Ben a secret from her friends because…well, how could they understand? No matter how much they love and support her, there’s no way they’d accept him, not after…

…everything.

He isn’t answering his cell. She tries texting him, blinking away angry tears to see the screen, but it’s so cold out that her thumbs can barely move and she’d move faster if she wasn’t looking at her phone anyway, so she pockets it and keeps running to his place.

He’s rounding the corner to his apartment when she gets there, his head down and shoulders hunched, and she forces herself to run past the stitch in her side to catch him. “Ben!”

He slows, turning to look at her. Recognition passes over his face a split second before it hardens. He turns to keep walking.

“Ben!” She’s limp-running now, practically bowls into his side. “Please,” she gasps. “It’s not…it’s not what—“

“It’s not what I think?” he asks flatly.

She would cry in frustration if she had anymore breath to spare. “They didn’t know about us, they thought they were protecting me!” she manages in between pants for air. “They were lying, okay?”

Some of the hardness has left his face, but only some. “That was a fucked-up lie they told.”

“It was, I agree.” She pulls him to a stop and turns him to face her. “I’m so angry at them, you have no idea. But mostly, Ben, I’m angry at myself, because I let this happen.”

His shoulders sag and she resists the urge to wrap her arms around him. “You shouldn’t be with me,” he mutters. “They weren’t lying when they said I’m garbage, they—“

“They don’t know the first damn thing about you.” Her fingers dig into the material of his coat as if afraid the wind will blow him away from her. “But I do. I know that you’ve made mistakes and I also know that you’re a better man today than you were yesterday. You were the one who told me to let the past die, but you carry it around with you constantly. Let it go, Ben.”

Slowly, he enfolds her in his arms, tugging her against his chest and resting his chin on top of her head. “I wish I could see myself through your eyes,” he murmurs. “He sounds like the kind of person you could love.”

“I do love you, you giant prick,” she sniffs into his scarf.

He freezes. “You love me?”

“Of course I do,” she says, softer.

He’s quiet for a moment, still caging her against his chest so she can’t see his face. Then, “The first time you tell me you love me, you also call me a giant prick?”

“Admittedly poor word choice, but honestly that’s on brand.”

He actually laughs. “I love you too.”

She grins like an idiot into his coat. “What, no insults?”

“I love you too, you enormous pain in the ass.”


	19. Chapter 19

Rey wakes up covered in sweat. Something is touching her face, and when her eyes focus, she realizes she’s looking up at one of the most beautiful men she’s ever seen in her life.

“Frost Glacier Freeze.”

His beautiful face ripples in confusion. “What?”

“Frost Glacier Freeze,” she repeats. “It’s the Gatorade flavor I was trying to think of when I passed out. It’s the light blue color. The darker blue is Cool Blue.”

Oh my god, she tells herself with no small degree of frustration, shut the fuck up.

“I know she sounds like she’s delirious,” she hears Rose saying from somewhere out of her eyeline, “But I promise this is normal for her.”

Thanks a lot, Rose.

The beautiful stranger disappears and the traitor known as Rose appears upside down to Rey, smiling encouragingly. “Hi, buddy! How are you feeling?”

She has a small headache and she’s sweating like a pig, but she had a big headache and was sweating like a pig AND felt horribly lightheaded right before she passed out, so she feels good, all things considered. “Not bad,” she says honestly. “I didn’t pee, did I?”

Rose’s face disappears for a moment as she inspects her friend’s crotch. “Nope!”

“Thank god.” She moves to sit up, stunned when the beautiful stranger puts a massive hand on the back of her neck.

“Careful,” he says, easing her into a sitting position, and oh god, he’s so hot Rey nearly passes out all over again. A few people are staring at her, but now that Rey is conscious and isn’t about to do anything dramatic, they lose interest. The beautiful stranger’s eyes are intent on her. “Do you feel lightheaded at all?”

How can I not when you’re touching me? “No.”

“Good. You should take it easy.” His lips twitch. “Have some of that Frost Glacier Freeze.”

Oh god, she wants to die. “Who are you again?”

“I’m Kylo Ren.”

“He caught you when you passed out,” Rose supplies.

Kylo gets to his feet and pulls Rey to hers. “Um, thank you,” she says awkwardly. “I…owe you one?”

“You should make it up to him over coffee,” Rose suggests loudly.

“Rose!” Rey hisses, but Kylo doesn’t look opposed to the idea.

“Sure,” he says. “If you want.”

Rey does want, very much, but she wishes Rose wasn’t grinning like a madwoman beside her. “Yeah, sure,” she says, trying to be casual. As if there is anything casual about passing out in a stranger’s arms. She gives him her number and they part ways, Rey and Rose continuing their trek to meet up with Finn and Poe.

“Oh my god he’s so hot,” Rose says. “Rey, he freaking carried you bridal style. Like only for a minute but it was so hot.”

“I was unconscious,” Rey points out, but she is admittedly a little turned on by the mental image.

“You should climb him like a tree.”

“Well, that’s my goal, but you could be a little less obvious about pimping me out.”

Her phone buzzes and a number she doesn’t recognize leaves her a text.

I can hear you guys from here.

She glances over her shoulder in horror. He’s smirking as he types something else; Rey glances at her phone.

For the record, I would love for you to climb me like a tree.

She turns red.

“Are you going to pass out again?” Rose asks.

“God, I hope so.”


	20. Chapter 20

Rey doesn’t know how anyone can sleep in a place like this. She doesn’t mean that in a bad way–just the opposite. Varykino is so beautiful, no matter the hour or the weather. Even now, in the middle of the night, the sky and the lake have merged into one endless, starry expanse, and it is only Rey and the island in the middle of the lake. 

She registers Ben’s presence behind her. “Can’t sleep?”

He moves closer to join her on the verandah. “No. This place is full of memories. Ghosts.” When she looks at him questioningly, he clarifies, “This estate has belonged to my mother’s family for many years. My grandparents fell in love here. They married in secret right where we’re standing.”

Rey shivers, though whether it’s because of the breeze coming off the lake or the thought of Anakin Skywalker standing where she’s standing now, she doesn’t know. “They must have loved each other very much…for him to abandon his oath.”

“Yes,” Ben says quietly. “They did.” He pauses. “My grandmother is buried on the beach. I think that’s why sometimes I…why even though I know never met her, I feel as if I know her. This place is so full of her presence.”

Rey likes that thought. It’s so peaceful here. Safe. A secret from the rest of the galaxy, a place untouched by war or cruelty or fear. 

“Is this where you go when you leave the temple?” she asks. “On your…retreats?”

He almost smiles. “Yes. I love my uncle, but…”

“You don’t always get along.” She knows better than anyone. She’s been with Luke and Ben longer than most of the other students, and unlike the other students, she doesn’t have a family to visit for weeks, even months, at a time. She knows that they argue often, that they have fundamentally different views of the Force and how to use it, that sometimes Ben gets so angry that he disappears for days on what Luke calls “meditative retreats”. He’s always calmer when he comes back, and now Rey understands why. 

Ben shakes his head. “He’s family.”

“At least you have one,” she says quietly. 

Ben moves closer, rests a hand on her knee. “You know you’re like family to us,” he says in a soft voice. 

Her smile is more than a little sad. “ _Like_ family.”

“My uncle loves you like his own daughter.” Ben’s voice is tinged with something she can’t quite place. “My mother used to say that I’m the son he never had, but I think that changed when we found you.”

“You’re…jealous?”

“It’s a little more complicated than that.” His hand is still on her knee. 

Slowly, she rests her fingers over his. “Make me understand.”

He hesitates. “Some other time. It’s…too peaceful right now. I don’t want to ruin it.”

_My grandparents fell in love here. They married right where we’re standing._

“Okay,” she agrees. 

He smiles, and she thinks that maybe he won’t have to make her understand after all. 


	21. Chapter 21

He hates being the Supreme Leader.

At least when he was just Kylo Ren, no one recognized him without the mask. He could come and go as he pleased. He doesn’t have that luxury anymore. Everyone in the galaxy recognizes him. Well, almost everyone. There are a few Outer Rim worlds where they have better things to do than pay attention to which power-hungry maniac is Chancellor or Emperor or First Senator or Supreme Leader or whatever the fuck trumped-up title they’ve given themselves. 

And that’s how Ben finds himself in a cantina on a backwater planet, swirling a glass of Corellian whiskey. It’s dimly lit in here for people who want to go unseen, just like him, but he would recognize her face anywhere.

She’s hanging on the arm of some Nikto, wearing a revealing dress of silver and platform shoes. She smiles at something he says, but she feels Ben’s eyes on her and looks across the room, the smile fading as she sees him. The Nikto keeps walking, pulling her with him. Ben knocks back the rest of his whiskey and gets up, slithering through the press of bodies and making his way to Rey.

She’s sitting beside the Nikto on a couch, one reptilian arm hanging low around her waist. Ben doesn’t know if they’ll recognize him or not, but he does know that he’s not about to let her slip through his fingers. “What are you doing here?” he asks her, ignoring the Nikto and the several others he’s talking to. 

“Do I know you?” the Nikto sneers.

“No, and if you’re lucky it’ll stay that way,” Ben drawls, his eyes never leaving Rey’s.

“You fucking–”

“It’s okay,” she says quickly, a placating hand on his arm. “He’s…my brother.”

Ben’s eyes narrow, but the Nikto’s lips curl. “I see.”

“I’ll be just a second, okay?” She stands up, tugging at the short hem of her dress as she rests a hand on Ben’s back and steers him away. “What are you doing here?” she hisses as soon as they’re out of earshot. “You’re the Supreme Leader–”

“Quiet.” He glances around, but no one is paying any attention to them. “What are _you_ doing here?”

“I’m undercover for the Resistance.” She narrows her eyes. “What are you doing here, Ben?”

“It doesn’t matter. You’re coming with me.” He grabs her arm, but she wrenches it out of his grip.

“The fuck I am! Leia is counting on me to get information from him–”

“My _mother_ put you up to this? Leia Huttslayer Organa told you to be some guy’s whore–”

She slaps him. He knows it’s coming even before she raises his hand, and he also knows that he deserves it. 

“Sorry,” he says gruffly. Then, “You’re not…you haven’t…with him…?”

She shakes her head. “No.”

He relaxes marginally. “Please come with me.”

She hesitates. “I can’t–”

“Please,” he says again. “I’ll tell you whatever it is you want from him and you can run back to the Resistance and tell my mother, just…don’t do this.”

Her eyes search his. “Okay,” she says at last. “If you promise.”

“I promise,” he says at once. “Rey…”

She takes his hand, lets him lead her out of the cantina. As soon as they’re outside, he pushes her against the wall, leaning down to kiss her. She lets out a small gasp against his lips, but it only takes her a moment to reciprocate, her arms winding around his neck as his hands grip her hips. He’s wanted this for a long time, and perhaps now isn’t the right time, but there’s still a flare of jealousy and possessiveness in him, making him grind his hips against hers. Rey responds in kind, letting out little moans as he deepens the kiss.

“I thought you said he was your brother.”

Ben pulls back and sees the Nikto watching them with a cold anger in his eyes. Rey makes no move to disengage from Ben. “He, um…”

“It runs in our family,” Ben says calmly. He raises two fingers and the Nikto slams into the wall, sinking to the ground in an unconscious heap. Ben takes Rey’s hand and tugs her towards his ship.

“It _runs in our family_?” she repeats.

“Trust me,” he says with a grimace. “You don’t want to know.” 


	22. Chapter 22

“You’re meeting up with a stranger you met _online_?” Phasma repeats. 

“I’m only staying ten minutes,” Ben insists. 

“She could be a serial killer.”

“Ten minutes,” he repeats. “I’m going to have a cup of coffee, make chitchat, and then leave.” A moment later he bursts, “Why am I compelled to meet her?! This is ludicrous.”

“It is,” Phasma agrees. “And you’re compelled to meet her because she’s the only woman who hasn’t run for the hills after having a conversation with you. And before you say anything, I don’t count, you pay me to put up with you and I’m a lesbian in any case.”

They arrive at the cafe much too soon for Ben’s taste. 

“Can you,” he begins, swallowing. “Can you look inside and tell me…if she…if she’s um…”

“If she’s ugly?” Phasma’s nostrils flare. 

“If she’s there,” he corrects, looking uncharacteristically nervous. The thought has occurred to him that maybe bookscavenger doesn’t really want to meet at all. People don’t really like him–maybe she’s just the latest in a list that never seems to stop growing. 

Phasma sighs and walks up the steps, peering inside the cafe. “Did she give any way of knowing it was her?”

“She’d have a book and a flower,” he says at once.

Phasma’s eyes widen. “Oh my.”

“Oh my what?” he asks, panicking.

Phasma is _smirking_. “She’s here, all right.”

Ben’s hand clenches. “Phasma, what do you–”

“She looks remarkably like Rey Niima.”

That does something terrific to his heart. “Rey Niima, of my mother’s bookstore? Okay, okay, sure, who cares about Rey Niima?” he asks, as if he doesn’t find her attractive and has for a long time. 

“Well, if you don’t like Rey Niima, I can tell you now…you’re not going to like this girl.”

Ben looks up at her. “Why not?”

“Because it is Rey Niima.” 

Ben walks slowly up the steps, peering inside in disbelief. And, sure enough, there she is…Rey. Sitting at a table for two. Reading a book. A rose laid carefully on the table. 

Rey is bookscavenger. 

“I have to go,” he says.

“No you do not.” Phasma grabs him by the scruff of his neck. “You are going in there and you are going to reveal yourself.”

“She is our _rival_ ,” he reminds her. “She _hates_ us.”

“She’s also a human, and a woman, and she doesn’t deserve to be stood up, even by the likes of you. Now get in there and be a decent human being for once in your life.” And with that, she opens the doors and shoves him inside. He tries to run out the door but she’s blocking it, giving him a Stare. Ben makes a face and turns to look at Rey.

She’s seen him come in, and now she’s hiding behind her book. He finds it obnoxiously endearing, and perhaps that’s why he regains enough of his confidence to swagger towards her. “Rey Niima!” he exclaims. “This is a coincidence! Would you mind if I sat down?”

“Yes,” she says at once. “I’m meeting someone.”

He leans over the table and looks at the book. “ _Pride and Prejudice_ ,” he remarks, his heart beating wildly. “I bet you read that book all the time. I bet you just love that Mr. Darcy and your sentimental heart beats wildly at the thought of him and um…” He snaps his fingers, as if he can’t remember her name. “Elizabeth Bennet, right? And they’re going to end up together and live happily ever after, right?” And with that, he plops into the empty seat, pulling off his coat. _Do it now, tell her now._  

“Can I get you anything?” the barista asks.

“No, he’s not staying,” Rey says, but Ben talks over her.

“House roast. No cream or sugar.”

“You’re not staying,” Rey says, her eyes crazed.

“I’ll just keep you company until your friend shows up,” he says. _Tell her now!_

“Have you ever even read _Pride and Prejudice_?” she demands.

“I have,” he says. “Though I prefer _Persuasion._ ” At her dumbfounded look, he says, “I think you’d discover a lot of things if you really knew me.”

“If I really knew you, I know what I would find.” Her back straightens. “Instead of a brain, a cash register, instead of a heart, a bottom line.” 

And oh, that stings. It isn’t any different from the things she’s been saying to him, but…well, how is he supposed to tell her now? “What is this?” he snipes, picking up the rose. In flower language, he knows, red roses convey deep emotion. Not just love; they can also mean regret or sorrow. “Oh, a rose, how _romantic_.”

She opens her mouth to retort, but the door opens and her eyes snap to see the newcomer. It’s a man wearing a tophat and satin cloak, as if this was 1898 and not 1998. 

“Think that’s him?” Ben quips. 

“Shut up.”

“Who _is_ he, I wonder?” he continues. “More importantly, will you be mean to him too?”

“The man who’s coming here tonight,” she says through gritted teeth, “is completely unlike you, so I’d have no reason to be mean to him. The man who’s coming here is kind and funny and sensitive.” Her voice warms, the scowl dropping from her face. “He’s so easy to talk to.”

“But he’s not here,” Ben says, because apparently he doesn’t know when to stop. 

“If he’s not here, there’s a reason,” she says, but he can see she doesn’t believe it. “There isn’t a cruel or careless bone in his body. Not that I would expect you to understand what that’s like.” Her voice hardens. “You’ve deluded yourself into thinking you’re some kind of benefactor delivering books to the masses. But no one will remember you, Ben Solo. And maybe no one will remember me, either, but they remember your mother, and they think she was wonderful and they think that her store was really special.” Her face is proud now. “You are nothing but a suit.” 

Silence stretches between them for a long moment. He doesn’t know what to say. What could he say? Either as Ben Solo or kyloren, there’s nothing he can possibly do to fix this, except for leaving the cafe right this moment. He digs into his wallet, plucks out a note, and drops it on the table. And then he gets up and leaves, resisting the urge to look back at her beautiful, angry face.  


	23. Chapter 23

Rey wakes to a peace she’s never known. The early morning sun is softened by a mist over the lake, and in the distance she can hear the song of birds. The room smells fresh and clear, silk curtains dancing in the breeze. And sleeping beside her is the man who means everything to her.

He looks at peace, too, his brow unknit and lips parted. He looks like Ben Solo, and not the Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. She wishes she could keep Ben Solo here forever–that she could keep _both_ of them here forever. It’s so easy to forget that there’s a war going on when it’s just the two of them in a castle in the middle of a lake.

The retreat to Varykino was his idea. The Force connection had been enough for a time, but it doesn’t always last, and it isn’t  _the same_ as really being together.  He’d suggested stealing away to his grandmother’s lake villa for a few days while the Resistance relocated and the First Order regrouped.

“It was the place my grandparents fell in love,” he’d said when he’d first brought it up. “And,” his ears had turned red, “the place my mother and uncle were probably conceived. If a senator and Jedi knight could keep their relationship a secret there, why can’t we?”

He stirs beside her now, reaching for her in his sleep. She settles into his arms, feels the warmth of his bare skin against hers. This is wrong on so many levels. It’s even worse than Padme Amidala and Anakin Skywalker because, even though his oaths had forbidden him from marrying, at least he and Padme hadn’t been on opposite sides of the war. At least he hadn’t been the Supreme Leader and she had not been the last Jedi. 

 _I shouldn’t love him,_ she thinks constantly. But she does, and in a place like this, it’s easy to remember why. This place is vast and empty, but she doesn’t feel alone, not with Ben beside her.

 _It could always be this way,_ she thinks. _He could always be beside me._

“Wake up,” she whispers, giving him a prod. “I’m lonely.”

Slowly, softly, he presses a kiss to her head. “You’re not alone.” 


	24. Chapter 24

****

He finds her in a field of bodies.

Well, he finds _them_ in a field of bodies. Her and that stormtrooper, that _traitor_ , of whom she is so fond. FN-2187. Finn, she calls him. 

Finn is unconscious now, a thick, bloody scar on his head. Rey is cradling him against her, her eyes so blurred with tears that she doesn’t see him at first. 

“You need to get out of here,” he tells her.

“I can’t leave him!” she protests, clutching Finn closer. 

“You have to,” he says tersely. Whatever Rey says about how Finn is like a brother to her, Ben will never be able to like the other man. He doesn’t see why Rey can’t just leave him and save her own life, which is infinitely more precious to Ben than FN-2187′s ever will be.

But this is Rey, and to her, every life is precious, even those of traitors, and he knows that she will not leave Finn to save herself. He knows, too, that the First Order will have this place blown to pieces in a matter of minutes, and if he wants her to live, he’ll have to save the traitor. 

So that’s how he finds himself hoisting the traitor over his shoulders.

“What are you doing?” Rey asks, swiping a hand over her eyes. 

“I’m taking him to my escape craft,” he says shortly. “I can’t go with you to the Resistance, but I can hide him for a while. There isn’t enough room for all three of us, so you’ll have to go to the Resistance.”

“You’re just…going to hide him?” Rey’s eyes narrow. “How do I know you aren’t going to just abandon him as soon as I turn my back?”

He heaves a sigh, both at the question and because he knows they don’t have much time. “Have I ever lied to you?”

Guilt crosses her face. “No. But…you’d do this? For him?”

“I’m not doing this for him,” he says coolly. “This is entirely for you.”

She touches his arm. “Thank you, Ben,” she murmurs. 

“You need to go,” he says again, because it’s true and also because he doesn’t trust himself to be this close to her for much longer. “Now.”

She nods, scrambling over the bodies and barricades with her scavenger’s agility. He turns and lumbers towards his escape craft. FN-2187 isn’t worth the risk of being seen, of waking up and trying to kill Ben while they’re in his escape craft. But Rey? Well. She’s worth it. 


	25. Chapter 25

If Ben didn’t know any better, he’d think the Force was trying to kill him.

He’s in the middle of a very serious meeting, one where it is absolutely vital he demonstrates his effectiveness as a ruler, when the connection hums to life. Great, he thinks, his jaw clenching—not only is Rey going to distract him, but she’s also probably going to overhear things she shouldn’t and tell his mother and then the Resistance is going to have the upper hand again.

Rey, however, doesn’t appear to even notice that their bond has opened up, which is probably because she’s in the refresher. As in, having a wash. As in, completely naked. Her back is to him, revealing a glorious, soapy bottom. She’s turned just enough, too, that one of her pert breasts peeks out from her silhouette.

Ben tries to do the respectful thing and look away, but how exactly is he supposed to ignore a completely naked, completely oblivious Rey? It’s inappropriate and he knows that, and he knows, too, that Rey would not want him to see her like this. But really…he’s only human.

“Supreme Leader?”

Ben snaps back to the meeting. Hux is frowning. “Supreme Leader, you seem…perturbed.”

“I am, General. I am perturbed at the level of incompetence in this room.”

There’s a nervous shift, and Ben knows that their fear of being asphyxiated or run through with a lightsaber outweighs their low opinion of him. He looks forcefully at each of them, both to make an impression and to avoid looking at Rey. She should have heard him through their bond, but she appears to be just as oblivious as she was a moment ago. He isn’t sure if that’s a relief or not.

She’s washing her hair now, bending over to let the jet of water rinse out the shampoo, and his traitorous mind has an image of her bending over like that for him. No, no, no, he tries to tell himself, do not do the thing.

But he’s only human and she really does have the most delicious derrière, so his pants become significantly tighter. He looks at Hux, because if anything is going to kill his erection, it’s Hux’s pinched face. Yes, good, he’s softening, Maker bless Hux for that ugly mug…

Rey shouts and his eyes snap to her. She’s got one arm flung over her breasts and one hand over her center. “How long have you been there?!”

“Supreme Leader?” Hux asks again. “Is everything all right?”

“Everything is not all right, General Hux!” he roars, getting to his feet. “This meeting has been nothing but a waste of my time and the First Order’s. While you’ve all been sitting around, patting yourselves on the back for one of the most abysmal performances in galactic history, the Resistance is most likely launching their latest attack.” He sweeps out of the room, heart pounding. He knows that he can’t keep throwing temper tantrums forever, and sooner or later someone will call him on his bluff, but right now he can’t stop thinking about naked, soaking, soapy Rey.

“Supreme Leader!” Hux howls from down the corridor. “Where are you going?”

“I need to be alone!” Ben fires back. “I need to…take matters into my own hand.”

“You mean hands?”

“I know what I said.”


	26. Chapter 26

Rey glances at her phone and sighs. “I should really go.”

The arm around her waist tightens. “No.”

She grins as he tugs her against him, raining kisses on her neck and chest.

“I don’t want you to go,” he growls.

Rey doesn’t want to go either. If she had her way, she’d stay in Kylo’s bed and fuck him until they died of starvation or something. But she can’t miss her boss’s dinner party, not even for Kylo Ren. They met on Tinder, which she’s more than a little embarrassed about. She really only uses it when she’s drunk or having a self-loathing spiral. She’d been going through the latter when they matched, and the conversation had gotten surprisingly deep. They’d met up after work yesterday, just to get happy hour drinks and meet in person, nothing more.

But that was twenty-two hours ago, and here she is—naked in his bed after so many orgasms she’s lost count.

“I have to go,” she murmurs, carding her fingers through that amazing hair of his. “My boss is having this thing tonight and I absolutely have to go.”

He sighs. “Yeah, I have a thing I should go to too.”

Still, Rey doesn’t move to get out of the bed, or his arms. “Can I see you again?”

“Please.” He kisses her, sliding his body over hers. “At the risk of sounding eager, I would really, really like to see you again.”

She smiles against his lips. “I’d like that too.”

“You know what else I’d like to do again?”

“What?”

“Make you come.”

And, well, who is Rey to deny him?

.

She staggers into Leia’s party edging between fashionably late and rude. She had to shower and change and, most importantly, cover up the marks Kylo left, and it doesn’t help that her exertions over the last twenty four hours have left her sore. It’s a good kind of sore, the kind that makes her horny all over again because she remembers how good the sex was, but it’s definitely impeded her mobility.

Leia takes one look at her and says, “Somebody got lucky.”

Rey is too giddy to be embarrassed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she says with a giant grin.

“Peanut,” Finn says as he joins them. “Did you get laid?”

“Whaaaat?” Rey asks in a horrible attempt at innocence.

“Oh my god, you did!” Rose exclaims. “Who was it?! That guy you met on Tinder?!”

Rey is saved from answering by the arrival of a new guest, one who Leia greets with a smile. “Everyone,” she says, steering him into the room. “This is my son, Ben.”

Rey’s hand grips Rose’s bicep. The other woman looks between the two and breaks out into a grin. “Ooooohhhhh.”

Because Rey doesn’t know him as Ben, but as Kylo Ren, and she got out of bed with him only a couple hours ago.

Well, she thinks, drinking deeply from the wine Poe brought her, at least they’ve made good on their promise to see each other again.


	27. Chapter 27

Rey never understood keeping a relationship a secret. In a Victorian romance novel, maybe, but it’s 2018 and if someone doesn’t want to show their affection for you in public, they’re probably sleazy.

But that was before she hooked up with a tinder date who turned out to be her boss’s son.

They don’t hide it, per se. They just don’t tell anyone at Rey’s work. Because, really, how would that sound? People would whisper about favoritism. And even if they didn’t whisper, they would think it. Rey doesn’t want that. She wants to keep her job and work for the things she gets while also dating a guy who just so happens to be the only offspring of her boss, is that so much to ask?

Kylo comes in once in a while to bring bagels to his mom, but really he just wants to see Rey. Sometimes he “leaves” and, after waiting a few minutes, Rey slips out and they manage a quickie in the handicap restroom on the third floor.

He brings bagels one day while they have relatively little work to do and they all get to standing around and chatting. It’s a nice, relaxing conversation, and when Kylo finally says that he has to be going, Rey doesn’t think, just tilts her head up on instinct as he swoops down to kiss her. It isn’t until he’s out the door that she realizes she just kissed him in front of her coworkers, and worse—his mother.

“Rey,” Leia drawls in the tone of a woman who has long since stopped being surprised. “Is there something you’d like to share with the class?”

“Wow, is that lox?” Rey asks far too loudly.

She’s never going to live this down.


	28. Chapter 28

Their lightsabers meet in a dazzling clash of red and blue, the energy around the blades crackling. Kylo leans into and over their locked blades, teeth bared as he pierces her eyes with his.

Rey uses his intense focus to her advantage, swinging out a foot to knock his legs out from under him. He fumbles with his weapon as he falls on his back, but she has her saber pointed at his throat before he can aim his blade at her.

“It’s over, Ben,” she pants, chest heaving as she leans down and over him.

“So end it and kill me.” His eyes search hers. “No, you won’t do that.”

“I will,” she insists. “I have to.”

“But you won’t.” He props himself up on his elbows. “You won’t kill me because you love me.”

She scoffs, but she’s still out of breath and it comes out as a hot puff of air. “I don’t love you.”

“No?” He gets to his feet, slowly, his eyes never leaving hers. “Then kill me.”

Rey’s grip on the lightsaber tightens, her tongue darting out to wet her lips. She adjusts her stance, prepares to run him through and end all of this, but…she doesn’t. She can’t.

“Kill me,” he says again.

“Stop talking!”

She tries again, wills herself to do the right thing. A Jedi would kill him, this agent of the dark side.

“You can’t do it,” he murmurs.

“I said stop talking,” she bites out, but tears are falling down her face, and with a choked sob she throws her lightsaber to the side. She doesn’t know who closes the gap between them, but in a moment she’s in his arms, her fingers digging into his tunic as they kiss hungrily.

 _I love you_ , she admits through their Force bond.

He smiles against her lips. _I know_.


	29. Chapter 29

“I’m sorry, honey, I really can’t come out there right now, and your father’s not answering his phone—“

“Shocker.”

Leia’s voice hardens. “So I’m sending my intern.”

Ben groans. “Mom, seriously? An intern?”

“I’d trust her with my life,” Leia says primly. “Plus she’s the only person who can drive out to get you.”

“What is she, fifteen?”

“Fifteen year olds don’t have licenses, they have driver’s permits, and no, she’s nineteen. Now do you want Rey to come pick you up or do you want to sit out in East Jesus Nowhere until some bumblefuck in a tow truck finally gets your car and gives you a lift back to town in his truck without air conditioning?”

“That is some vivid imagery,” Ben says dryly, but he knows his mother is right. “Fine, just tell her to hurry up.”

“You’re welcome,” she says, rolling her eyes so hard Ben can practically hear them on the other line.

.

Rey pulls up forty-five minutes later in a Honda Civic. She’s lithe and freckled, and when she pushes up her aviator glasses, he can’t help thinking that she’s really cute.

“Ben?”

He nods, strolling around to the passenger seat. “You must be Rey.”

“Yeah.” She pops her glasses back down and waits for him to buckle in before she wheels the car around and pulls out onto the road.

“Uh. Thanks,” Ben mumbles.

“It’s no problem,” she says courteously.

“An hour and a half round trip to get your boss’s son? Probably not what you signed up for when you took this internship.”

Bringing up Rey’s internship is apparently her activation code, because she talks the whole ride to his house. Leia this and Leia that. He’s used to people loving his mother, but Rey really seems to think Leia is the best thing since sliced bread.

“You always this quiet?” he drawls when she pauses for breath.

She turns red under her aviator glasses. “Sorry, I just…I don’t know you, and your mom is like…common ground.”

“Does my mom know you’re in love with her?”

“I’m not,” she mutters. They’re pulling up to his house now.

“It’s okay,” he says, unbuckling his belt. “I’m just teasing because I’m jealous.” He smirks at her. “Not used to girls being more into my mom than me.”

“You must not know a lot of girls.”

Ben is insulted. He decides he likes it.


	30. Chapter 30

Rey feels him before the connection fully materializes. She feels his pain, feels the conflict in him. She feels the exact moment he realizes he’s about to see her and the ensuing anguish.

For a long moment, they just stare at one another. He makes no move to block her out, giving her full access to the roiling emotions he’s experiencing. Rey, in turn, lets him prod at her shields, allows him to feel her ache.

“I killed him to protect you,” he finally murmurs. “And you tried to kill me anyway.”

“No.” Her tongue feels thick in her mouth.

“You tried to take the lightsaber.” His voice hardens.

“I could’ve killed you when I woke up first.” She says it as much to remind him as to remind herself. She could have. She’d thought about it. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

His hand clenches at his side. “I offered you the galaxy.”

“You offered me a place in a regime I want to destroy.”

“We could’ve changed things!” He’s shouting now, sounding for all his twenty nine years like a little boy who still digs his heels in the ground. “We could’ve made the First Order a better system!”

“It will always be Snoke’s order.” She takes a tentative step forward. “You told me to let the past die, but you’re still holding onto his memory. It’s time to let go, Ben.”

His lip curls. “You still think you can save me? Turn me back to the light?”

“I will never stop believing that,” she says firmly. “And neither will you.”

He flinches. “Enough.”

“No. There is light inside you, Ben—all you have to do is let it in.”

“I said, enough.” He turns his back on her, but she chases after him before he can sever the connection.

“I can’t offer you the galaxy,” she says, her pulse quickening. “I can’t offer you anything aside from myself, and I know that isn’t enough for you—“

He whirls back on her. “You were all that I wanted.”

He severs the connection. Rey slumps to her knees and feels, not for the first time, an ache as vast and endless as the galaxy he once offered her.


	31. Chapter 31

He barely registers the bond opening up. The ache is still too deep. Too strong. 

“Ben,” Rey whispers.

She’s curled up against his wall, knees to her chest and arms wrapped around her legs. Even from here, he can see the tear tracks on her cheeks. 

“Leia…your mother…”

“I know,” he says quietly. “I felt it.”

They sit in silence for a long moment, the only sound the gentle hum of the ship. 

“How did it happen?” he croaks.

Rey shakes her head. “I guess she…was in space for a few minutes while I was on Ahch-To. No breathing mask, nothing. She went into a coma, but when she woke up, she never fully recovered.” She clears her throat. “Her heart just…gave out.” 

His throat tries to form words. “Was she…”

“She wasn’t in pain,” Rey whispers. “It was quick.”

Relief sweeps through him before the ache settles back in. He never got to see her. She died running from her son.

He chokes on a sob. 

“Ben,” Rey whispers again, unfurling her limbs and crawling to where he’s sitting on his bed. She sits up on her knees, curls her hands around his. He buries his face in her shoulder, takes deep, shuddering breaths. 

“What can I do?” she asks. 

His hands clench around hers. “Just…stay with me.”

“As long as you want.”


	32. Chapter 32

She wants him. He can feel that as soon as he steps out of the ‘fresher, can feel the way desire throbs from her. He smirks, just a little, as he drinks in the sight of her on their bed in a black slip. Rey, his empress. 

She tilts her head, her legs rubbing together. “Come here.”

He does, because that is an order, and he would never disobey an order from his empress. It had taken her so long to curl out of her shell. He’d had to ask her what she wanted, over and over, until she began to voice, “No, I don’t like that,” and, “Yes, I want that.” Her voice is firm and unwavering when she beckons him, and that makes him happy. He wants her to get used to demanding things; it’s only fitting for the woman who rules at his side. 

He kneels beside the bed. “What do you want, my love?”

She remains stoic, but he can feel the shyness creeping into her Force signature. Oh, he’s going to like this. “I want you,” she begins, fingers toying with the hem of her slip, “to kiss me _there_. Please.” Her cheeks are a little red, but he’s proud of her for making the effort. She still can’t bring herself to say, “I want you to lick my cunt,” but he knows that will come in time. 

He wraps a hand around her ankle, starts to pull her to the edge of the bed, but she shakes her head with a coy smile. “Not like that.” She pats the bed. “Lie down.”

His cock twitches in his pants. She _is_ getting bolder, and he’s loving every second of it. He obligingly lies down on the bed and watches in delight as she straddles his face. She isn’t wearing any underwear, and he can smell the desire between her legs. Slowly, she lowers herself over him. His hands grip her hips, moving her to just the right angle for him to lick a stripe up her folds. She sighs, hands gripping the headboard as his tongue traces a circle around her clit. He moves his tongue again, laps at the wetness seeping out of her, and moves back to her clit. He does this for a few minutes, until her hips start rolling and he knows she wants more. His tongue moves faster, creating deliciously slick sounds as she grinds down on him. He curls his tongue into her cunt, groaning as he feels the hot wetness inside her. Rey rides his tongue, panting when he reaches his fingers around to roll her clit. 

 _You taste so good,_ he tells her through the Force. _I’d stay like this forever if you let me._

 _Don’t tempt me,_ she sends back, groaning loud and long. “Fuck,” she manages around a ragged breath. “I’m so…Ben, I’m…”

The hand at her hip urges her on. She fucks his tongue hungrily, her groans becoming a steady string as he brings her closer. He can feel the tension ready to break, can feel the desperation inside her as she grinds down even harder on him. And then it snaps and the walls of her cunt spasm around his tongue and he nearly comes from the way she feels. Her shout is hoarse, like she doesn’t have enough breath to scream the way she wants. She rolls her hips, cunt still pulsing around him as her shout peters off into whimpers. The pulsing slows, and after a long minute, she swings a trembling leg over him and collapses into his side. 

Her mind is still too jumbled and exhausted to make much sense, but she radiates satisfaction. He strokes her arm, nuzzles her hair. “What else do you want?” he murmurs, eager to do everything in the world for her.

“You,” she mumbles into his chest. “Just you.”

His heart swells. He gave her a galaxy, and the only things she asks for is him.


	33. Chapter 33

Ben has a temper. Everyone knows it, makes jokes about it. He doesn’t blame them—he’d laugh, too, if someone paid as much in property damage as he does.

But watching Rey throw her things into a bag, he can’t feel angry. He just. Sits there. Disbelieving. Defeated.

“I just can’t do this anymore, Ben.” There are tears running down her face but she doesn’t wipe them away. “I can’t keep carrying you.”

“You don’t love me,” he chokes.

“That’s the real tragedy of it,” she sniffs. “I do. I love you so much it’s killing me. And that’s why I have to leave, before it completely destroys me.”

He can’t understand, though, because if you love someone, you don’t leave them. How can Rey love him and leave him? How does breaking both their hearts solve any of this?

“I can be better,” he says in a raspy sort of voice.

She pauses to look at him. “I know you can. But you won’t.”

It’s so hard to breathe, all of a sudden. “Please don’t go, Rey.”

She shakes her head, some of the tears spilling free and landing on her duffel. “I need to. For both of us.”

“Rey…” He reaches, weakly, for her, but she moves out of his grasp.

“Please don’t.”

“Rey.” His voice is stronger, but only a little. “Please don’t go.” When she doesn’t look at him, he sinks to his knees. “Rey, please…”

“Get up,” she says in a pained sort of voice. “I don’t want you like this. This isn’t the person I fell in love with. This is someone else.” She pulls the zipper of her duffel. “I’ll be back for the rest of my things later.”

The thought of her things–her clothes, her shampoo, her toothbrush–gone from his apartment makes his head spin. He can’t imagine not knocking over her body wash as he reaches for his, can’t imagine not trying to untangle his socks from her bras. He _needs_ her. “Rey.” God, he sounds like a broken record, just saying her name over and over again because he doesn’t know what else to say. What can he possibly say to convince her to stay? 

He’s still on his knees, and it surprises him when she suddenly stands over him, cupping his cheeks. “You _can_ be better,” she says softly. “So be better.” And then she’s gone. 

And he’s alone.


	34. Chapter 34

“Again?” Rey asks, half in disbelief and half in barely-concealed excitement. 

“What do you mean, again? I’d make love to you every waking minute if I could.”

“You practically already do.” She doesn’t protest, though, as he moves under the sheet, massive hands parting her slim thighs. 

“Are you complaining, Empress?”

She shivers the way she always does when he calls her that and they’re alone. “Never.”

“Good.” He peers at her from under the sheet. “I won’t stop fucking you with my tongue until your legs are shaking and the stormtroopers outside hear you screaming my name. And then I’ll fuck you with my cock until the entire ship is shaking and every person in the galaxy can hear you screaming my name.”

She laughs. “You seem very confident in your abilities, Emperor Ren.” And then she groans, head falling back on the pillow as he nuzzles the sweet, warm wetness between her legs. 

“Oh, I am,” he purrs. “ _Very_ confident.”


	35. Chapter 35

He wakes because he feels distress. Not his, he realizes blearily.

Hers.

She’s sitting up in their bed, arms around her legs and cheek pressed to her knee. She’s facing the other direction, but even without seeing her he knows she’s crying.

“Rey,” he murmurs, reaching for her. She flinches at his touch, and he slowly drops his hands. “Did something happen?”

She shakes her head.

He sits up. “What’s upsetting you, love?”

“I miss the sun.” She says it so quietly he almost misses it. She turns to look at him, resting her other cheek on her knee. “It’s so dark up here and I’ve never…I’ve never gone this long without seeing the sun.” Tears spill from her eyes, and something in his chest heaves as her breath hitches on a sob. 

“Rey.” He reaches for her again, and this time she melts against him, buries her face in her hands as he strokes her hair. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, I didn’t realize. It’s my fault. Let me make this right.”

“Don’t,” she protests meekly, but he reaches for the data pad beside his bed. 

“The nearest planet is Dantooine,” he says after a moment of scrolling. “We can make planetfall within the hour.”

She gives him a watery smile. “You’d do that for me? Because I said I miss the sun?”

He sets aside his data pad to face her fully. “Everything in this galaxy is yours,” he tells her with a quiet urgency. “You don’t have to miss Jakku’s sun when there are _thousands_ at your fingertips. They’re all _yours_ , Rey. You only need to say the word to see them.”

He can feel her heart swell. “I want to see all of them,” she whispers. “Will you take me to all of them?”

He kisses her, brushes the tears from her cheeks. “Anything for you.” 

They both know he means it. 


	36. Chapter 36

In the memorial on New Alderaan, a poem called “Loss” is carved into the smooth polished wall. All the words have been scratched out. When Ben visited the memorial as a boy, he asked his mother why someone would do that.

“It was the poet who scratched them out,” Leia told him.

“Why?”

“Because you cannot see loss,” she said. “You can only feel it.”

Ben has known anger and he has known hurt. He has lost friends, his father, and his uncle. But he doesn’t really know loss and the meaning of that poem until he cradles Rey’s lifeless body against his chest. She’s gone, and not even Plagueis the Wise could bring her back. You can stop death, he knows, but you can’t undo it.

He holds her on a battlefield of corpses, his soldiers and hers, all dead with the force of his anger. It’s so damnably quiet.

“I’m sorry,” he weeps into her hair. It smells like smoke and blood. Not like her, that salty, sandy smell he caught the handful of times they were together. “I never wanted to be the Supreme Leader. I never wanted to rule the galaxy without you. I only wanted you.”

You cannot see loss, his mother’s voice says. You can only feel it.

There is no death, Luke’s voice says. There is only the Force.

Death, the Force. They mean the same thing to Ben. And he’ll be damned if Rey finds them without him.


	37. Chapter 37

It’s crazy. They’re crazy.

The caretaker lets them in and is given more credits than he’s ever seen in his life to keep the estate empty—and more importantly, to never let anyone, present or future, know that the Supreme Leader and the last Jedi are here together.

Whatever trepidation Rey may have felt evaporates as she steps off the water speeder and onto the dock’s stone steps. This place is beautiful, all greens and pinks and yellows, the colors of the sky during a sunset. The lake is smooth and sparkling, like the stars in space when Rey looks out the Falcon’s viewport, and all around them Rey can hear birdsong. Of course this is a good idea.

Ben takes her to a room nearly the size of her old AT-AT. There are no walls or windows in this room, just white, gauzy curtains that dance in the breeze. Rey brushes past them out onto a verandah of polished marble. The air smells sweet here, saturated with water and flowers. She leans against the stone ledge, breathing in that sweet smell.

Ben slips behind her, wraps his arms around her waist and buries his face in her shoulder. “I can’t remember the last time I was this happy.”

She can’t either, and she sends this thought to him. He smiles against her skin, pressing a kiss to her neck. “I’m going to change, and then I’ll show you around the place.”

“What about the holy man?” she asks in a quiet voice, too used to sneaking around to be vocal about what they’re about to do.

“Already taken care of—he’ll be here tomorrow afternoon.” He moves around to face her, cupping her cheek in his hand. “You can always change your mind,” he says gently. “This is…enormous. I don’t blame you if you decide you don’t want to do it.”

“I do,” she says, resting her hand over his. “I really, really do.”

He kisses her in the place where his grandparents were married, in a castle made of sunset on a starry lake. Tomorrow she will take him as her husband and he will take her as his wife, and no matter what this war takes from them, it will never take away this time in this place.


	38. Chapter 38

She goes on in an hour and she’s never been more nervous in her life.

“I don’t think I can do this,” she confesses, tucked away in the green room. Everyone else is getting in costume and makeup, and the handful of crew who occasionally pass through are too focused on their own tasks to pay her any mind.

“You can,” Ben reassures her from the other line. “You’re going to go out there and blow everyone away.”

She doubts it very much. “I wish you were here,” she whispers, not for the first time. “You make me feel safe, and I’m so scared right now, Ben.”

“You’re going to do great,” he says firmly. “You are a great actor, and you know this part backwards and forwards.”

“You know that doesn’t mean anything.”

“Rey,” he says patiently. “You will be fine. Now take that nervous energy and channel it. Take a deep breath.”

She does, feeling a little foolish as her boyfriend coaches her through her opening night jitters.

“Just pretend I’m out there,” he says.

That’s easier said than done, but she is an actor, so it won’t be too hard to convince herself that he’s somewhere in the crowd. “Okay.”

“I love you. Break a leg.”

“I love you too.”

She does feel a little better as she hangs up, joining the other women in their dressing room. Everyone is a little nervous, but they’re actors, so they make up for it by being louder and giddier than usual. By the time Rey enters stage right, she’s done just as Ben urged and channels her nervous energy into her performance. She also pretends that he’s in the audience, storing away things to tell her later and laughing at all her comedic moments.

The show ends to thunderous applause, and Rey can’t help beaming as people stand and whoop when she bows. Still, it’s a relief to get backstage, where she feels like she can breathe for the first time all night. There are flowers waiting for her at her seat in the dressing room, a bouquet of yellow roses and lilies and several sprigs of fennel. Attached is a note.

You did beautifully.

Rey flushes. She doesn’t deserve her boyfriend. His confidence in her even though he hasn’t seen her show yet (and won’t until he comes to visit next week) is overwhelming. She wipes off most of the makeup and changes into a nice dress for the opening party, then heads out with the other women. The party is being held in the lobby, an elegant spread of finger food and wine. She starts for the desserts, stomach rumbling, and stops short when a familiar figure walks toward her.

“Ben!”

He gathers her in his arms, almost lifting her off her feet. “I wanted to surprise you,” he says, kissing the top of her head.

She pulls back just enough to properly kiss him, too excited he’s here to care that she’s making out in front of every theatre critic in the city. “You’re here,” she says when they break apart.

“I am,” he confirms. “You were amazing, sweetheart.”

“You’re amazing. You came a week early just to see my show?”

“My stage manager isn’t happy, but it’s my show so he’s gonna have to deal with it.” He’s beaming at her, looking happier than she’s seen him in a while. “I’m so proud of you.” He gives her another kiss. “And now you’re going to meet every donor and critic and lighting guy’s cousin and have a good time soaking up your stardom, and I’m going to steadily ply you with alcohol and carry your lightweight ass home at the end of the night.”

“I love you,” she tells him.

He nuzzles her nose. “Yeah, I’m kind of fond of you too.”


	39. Chapter 39

First they took her parents. Then they burned her village. Then they bound her and what was left of her village in chains and made them fight in the gladiator’s arena. Now they mean to make her bed the Caesar’s heir.

She fights them the whole way, tooth and nail. She won today’s games, held her spear aloft as the Romans screamed for the Celt, the warrior queen. She is no warrior and even less of a queen, but she is a Celt, and by all that she loves, she will not let a perfumed prince between her legs.

Her captors seem to have the same thought, because as they drag her into a chamber one of them snarls, “If you don’t stop, we’ll tie you down—see if you’re such a warrior queen then, you Celt bitch—“

“That won’t be necessary.”

Rey and her captors turn to regard this new voice. She recognizes him, dimly, from the arena. This must be her prince, she realizes. His clothes are fine and he wears a silver wreath, glimmering atop thick, black hair. He is handsome, she grudgingly admits, and she might have taken him into her bed in another life.

“Dominus,” the men murmur, inclining their heads.

“You may leave.”

The two men release Rey as if her skin burns them, bowing and backing out of the room.

“Lovely as I think you’d look in ropes,” her prince drawls, “I felt that that was hardly befitting a guest.”

“Is that another word for slave?” she spits. “Forgive me, your language is strange to me.”

“We can talk in Gaelic, if you like,” he says, switching to her language.

All right, she’ll give him this: she’s impressed.

He gestures to a table along the wall. “There’s food. Wine. Have as much as you like.”

“Why?” She doesn’t trust him.

“Because you’re my guest.” He pours himself a goblet of wine to demonstrate. “I’m not going to rape you.”

She hesitates before stepping closer to the food. “Then…what do you want?”

He sips his wine. “They call you the Warrior Queen of the Celts, but you aren’t. My mother holds that title. And you’re going to help me find her.”


	40. Chapter 40

Ben and Poe have been missing for a solid twenty minutes. Leia doesn’t seem terribly upset, as if maybe she was expecting something like this, but Rey thinks they’re being a little rude, so she slips away to find them and drag them back to the service. 

She finds them in what looks like a Sunday school classroom. She knows they’re in here because she can smell the weed from down the hallway. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” she demands.

They look mildly horrified before bursting into laughter. 

“We are in a temple!” she hisses. “And you’re high!”

“The Oracle at Delphi was high,” Poe says, as if this excuses it. 

“Listen, I have to self-medicate if I have to be in the shul where I grew up,” Ben tells her, which, okay, fair. “Poe is just being a good buddy.” And then he extends the joint, eyebrow raised.

This is a very bad idea, and Rey also feels like she probably shouldn’t be getting high the first time she goes to shul. But Ben and Poe are definitely way more fun than the service, and Leia didn’t seem that upset anyway.

So Rey takes the joint.

It sets in slowly, the edges of her vision softening as a green calm seeps through her veins. Poe is treating them to a rendition of _The Prince of Egypt’s_ soundtrack, Rey and Ben occasionally chiming in with the words they remember. Ben starts dancing on a table, silly and sexy while Rey leans her head on Poe’s shoulder and feels the reverberations of his voice. It’s been a long time, maybe an hour or maybe just a few minutes, when Ben hops onto the floor and kneels in front of Rey.

“You’re perfect.”

“Gross,” Poe says. “ _Thus saaaaith the Loooord_.” 

Ben licks her cheek. “I’m claiming you for the Jewish people.”

“Oh, cool,” she hums.

“That’s not fair, she has to ask three times,” Poe points out. “ _I will not let your people go!_ ”

“Doesn’t matter, I claimed her for the Jewish people,” Ben says proudly. 

The fire sprinklers go off right at that moment.

They try very hard to not look suspicious as they walk outside, but they are soaking wet and smell like a college dorm room, so they attract a fair amount of attention. They’re all wearing sunglasses to hide their red eyes, but in hindsight, Rey realizes that might just be attracting even more attention.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Leia hisses when they stumble up to her.

“What are you talking about?” Poe asks. “Hey, if Ben licked Rey and claimed her for the Jewish people, does that make her Jewish now?”

“ _What_?”

“Who’s hungry?” Ben asks loudly.

Leia rolls her eyes. 


	41. Chapter 41

To say they’re attracted to each other would be an understatement. They’re fucking addicted. It feels like they’ve done nothing but fuck over the last 24 hours. You’d think they’d get it out of their system, but he’s dropping her off at her place and they’re making out in his car like sexually repressed teenagers. She’s wet again, moaning as he presses hot, open-mouthed kisses on her neck.

“Let’s turn around and go to your place.”

He chuckles. “You specifically told me not to do that.”

She whines. “I’m so…fuck…I want you so bad.”

“I want you too,” he murmurs.

See? Teenagers.

His hand rubs her thigh, and he smirks when she reacts instantly. He moves his hand up, higher and higher, until his thumb is hovering just below the zipper of her jeans.

“Don’t,” she moans. “I’m so fucking wet, don’t tease me.”

“I’m not gonna tease you. Much.” He pulls down the zipper, pops the button.

“Ben!” she hisses, the fog in her head clearing just enough. “We can’t! We’re in public!”

“We’re in my car,” he points out. “In your neighborhood, and there’s barely anyone around.” He kisses her jaw. “Let me make you feel good.”

He’s been making her feel good all weekend in the way of eating her out and dicking her down until she’s forgotten her own name. But she’s embarrassingly horny again and there really aren’t that many people around, so she lets him slip his hand below the waistband of her underwear. She really is wet, absolutely sopping, and it takes no effort for two fingers to burrow inside her. She groans, rocking her hips to create some friction. The hand that isn’t touching her strokes her hair as he kisses her, lips touching her throat while she keens for more.

Ben begins to pump his fingers in and out using his knuckle to rub her clit. It isn’t enough and they both know it, but her frustration only makes her thrust frantically against him.

“You said you wouldn’t tease,” she whines, bringing up one foot to rest on the car seat. This opens her up more fully, allowing her room to chase after his hand.

“You want more, sweetheart?” he murmurs.

She nods eagerly. “Yeah.”

He considers her, then adds a third finger. His thumb rubs a circle around her clit, creating enough pressure to bring her closer.

“Rey,” he whispers. “I love making you come.”

Her head falls back against the seat, the tension building in her.

“You’re so good. So beautiful.” He nips at her neck. “Come for me, Rey.”

She does, crying out as her orgasm shakes her hips and stutters her breath. He kisses her and she clings to him, panting into his lips.

When her breathing returns to normal and her heart only races a little, he slowly withdraws his hand and licks his fingers clean. She smiles from where she’s collapsed against the seat. “I don’t think I’ll be able to walk tomorrow.”

His cock twitches. “Oh god, don’t tease me.”

The look she gives him is absolutely wicked. “I won’t tease you,” she says, reaching for the zipper of his pants. “Much.”


	42. Chapter 42

It has been a perfectly, beautifully lazy morning. They’ve done nothing but sleep and have sex. Rey keeps meaning to get up and shower, maybe run some errands and be productive, but it’s hard when there’s a naked man who really likes eating her out in her bed.

Finally, though, she manages to get up and sidle to the bathroom.

“Hey, babe?” Ben calls while she’s peeing, because unfortunately, they have become that comfortable with each other. “While you’re up, can you get some coffee going?”

“Get it yourself,” she calls back. She smirks at him from the sink as she washes her hands. “You’re a big boy.”

“That I am,” he agrees. “But I can’t get out of bed.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Really, it’s Shabbos,” he says, the earnestness of his tone not quite matching the mirth in his eyes.

“Shabbos?” she repeats doubtfully.

“Sabbath,” he explains. “You know, Orthodox Jews don’t do any work on Shabbos. Like, they don’t even turn on a light switch or hit an elevator button.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“I’m serious!” he insists, but he’s still grinning like he’s up to no good. “You can ask my mom.”

That isn’t an empty suggestion, so Rey crosses her arms and leans against the door frame. “Okay. But you aren’t Orthodox. You don’t even really observe.”

“Excuse me, my beautiful goyische girlfriend, but do you really wanna argue about my Jewishness right now?”

She rolls her eyes. “Okay, so you can’t do any work today because you’re suddenly observing Shabbos. Including making coffee.”

“Yep,” he says, setting back against the pillows. “You’re gonna have to be my Shabbos goy and do things for me.”

“What?”

“Sometimes Orthodox Jews get a goy to do the things for them they aren’t supposed to do.” His grin is irritatingly smug. “Like make coffee.”

“Again, you’re not Orthodox,” she points out. “And I’m not doing any work for you.”

He groans. “Reeeeeey…”

“Don’t be over dramatic. You can make your own coffee.” She pads back into the bathroom and turns on the shower. She brushes her teeth while she waits for it to heat up, staunchly ignoring Ben’s pouty face. She steps into the steaming water and has just reached for her shampoo when Ben steps in beside her, grinning cheekily.

“It’s Shabbos, Rey, I can’t wash myself. You have to do it for me.”

Rey spits a stream of hot water at him. “Bite me.”

“That constitutes as work so I can’t really—ow!”


	43. Chapter 43

“We’re not stuck,” Rey insists, even as she turns off the car and ducks out of it. Ben watches her raise the hood and, deciding that it’s rather unchivalrous of him to sit in here while she’s trying to fix whatever’s gone wrong, he sighs and joins her. It’s cold outside, but Rey doesn’t seem to notice as she leans under the hood. “I don’t fucking believe it.”

Ben learned enough from his father to know the difference between something that needs a quick fix and something that requires a mechanic’s time and skill.

This needs a mechanic.

“I’ll call a tow truck,” he offers.

Rey is visibly torn between her own pride and what’s necessary for her car. She gives into necessity. They climb back in the car, where Ben calls a truck while Rey pouts.

“About an hour,” he says in his most neutral tone when he hangs up.

“Great,” she mumbles.

“I wish you’d let me buy you a new car.”

“I don’t want my boyfriend buying a car for me,” she says at once. It’s the same argument they have every time something goes wrong with her “baby”, which is, Ben likes to point out, older than she is.

“Your boyfriend doesn’t like the idea of you driving a car like this. What if this happened while you were driving home late at night or—“

“I know, I know,” she says irritably.

The almost-fight crackles between them like static electricity. They’ve gone over this a hundred times, and neither of them is ever going to make a point the other hasn’t already rebutted.

“Let me buy a car and you can pay me back,” he suggests.

She snorts. “I’m never gonna be able to pay you back for an entire car.”

“Then don’t, and keep it as a gift.”

“You cannot give me a car!”

“I can’t let you drive this one anymore.”

She growls in frustration, dropping her head onto the steering wheel. “I know,” she sighs at last. “I just hate…relying on people for things. Especially money.”

“I know you do,” he says softly. He reaches out a tentative hand, and when she doesn’t react, he rubs her back. “But you’re not relying on me. You’ve been fighting me the whole way about this.”

“I know,” she says with a small giggle. She turns her head to face him. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

He nods. “Yeah. Just means an engagement ring will have to wait.”

Rey’s eyes widen for a fraction of a second before she shrugs. “That’s okay, I was gonna propose to you anyway.”

Ben chokes on his own spit.


	44. Chapter 44

He feels her wake to an empty bed. He can sense her sitting up, loneliness and a little bit of hurt lingering around her.

 _I’m here_ , he tells her. Out loud, he says, “I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to wake you.” 

She roots around for a moment and then slips out of bed, padding to where he’s sitting at the table by the viewport. He extends an arm, drawing her onto his knee. She’s wrapped in something black and thick; chuckling, he lifts a corner with his fingers. “Is this my cape?”

“I didn’t want to get dressed,” she murmurs. “And this room is cold.”

He sets aside his data pad, wrapping both arms around her. “Poor little desert rat.” 

She gives him a small shove. “That’s Supreme Desert Rat to you.” 

He kisses her cheek. “My apologies, Supreme Desert Rat. Will you forgive me?”

“On one condition.”

“Does it have something to do with you being naked under this cape?”

She presses her forehead against his. “Come back to bed.”

He sighs. “I’m not tired.”

“I’ll make you tired.” She presses closer to him. “I don’t like being alone in that bed.”

And really, how can he say no to that? 

He carries her to the bed, where she starts to take off the cape. “No,” he says, stilling her hands. “Keep it on.”


	45. Chapter 45

Ben doesn’t come over to Rey’s place a lot. She has roommates and her place is messy and not entirely devoid of cockroaches and she’s kind of embarrassed about the whole thing, especially since Ben has an entire condo with a cleaning service and has probably never seen a real cockroach ever in his life.

But they were at a bar just down the street from her place and her roommates will be out late tonight so she decides, fuck it. 

The problem, though, is that Rey didn’t tidy up before having him over, so it isn’t long before he glances at her bedside table and lights up. “Is that a romance novel?”

“No,” she responds, even as she’s trying to hurl the book under her bed. But Ben grabs it and holds it aloft with a triumphant look.

“It is!” he declares. “I didn’t know you liked that stuff.”

“I don’t,” she says, red-faced. “I just…I stole it from a foster family when I was thirteen and it was like…the first time I’d read about sex.”

“And you still have it,” he muses, turning over the worn book in his hands. He flips it to a page and raises his eyebrows. “This is _filthy_ ,” he declares. 

Rey looks only a little bashful. “Yeah, it is. Pretty much the basis of every fantasy I had when I was a teenager.”

“What about now?”

She bites her lip. “Are you telling me you want to tie me down and tell me you can take whatever you want?”

“Do _you_ want me to tie you down and tell you I can take whatever I want?” 

She considers. “I’d rather skip to Chapter 24.”

“What’s in Chapter 24?” he asks, trying to flip ahead. Rey, however, takes the book from his hands and sets it back on the bedside table. 

“Chapter 24,” she says with a mischievous look, “is the cave scene.”

Ben has a very good feeling about this. 


	46. Chapter 46

It feels like her Force bond with Ben; a presence that isn’t quite there.

But it isn’t the Force bond. Or it is, but it’s not a bond with a living person. Because as soon as the man appears in front of her, Rey knows who he is.

“That’s my lightsaber,” Anakin Skywalker says with a slow, easy smile. 

Rey doesn’t know what to say. “Is that why you’re here?” she asks. “Because of the lightsaber?”

Anakin Skywalker shakes his head. “That’s not how the Force works.” He leans against the wall, looking too young and careless to have been Darth Vader. “I’m here because of my grandson.”

Her spine goes rigid. “Ben?”

Anakin is quiet for a long moment. “It’s not too late for him,” he says quietly. “After Padmé died, I…I didn’t think I could ever go back to the light. Knowing that a piece of her had survived, that Luke saw the good in me when I had spent over twenty years as a servant of the dark…” He swallows. “He’s so close. There is still conflict in him–I know you sense it.”

She nods slowly. “Yes.”

“Don’t give up on him. Please.”

“I won’t,” she promises Anakin Skywalker’s ghost. 

He nods, then points to her saber. “You’ll never get it back to the way it was.”

She considers him. “So what should I do?”

“Make something new out of something old.” And with that, Anakin Skywalker leaves her.

Rey considers his words. _Make something new out of something old._

She knows what she has to do. 


	47. Chapter 47

The bond fizzles to life when Ben is tugging at his tunic with bloody hands, black tunic made blacker by the stain spreading along his abdomen.

“Did something happen?” Rey asks, eyes wide. Shouldn’t a medical droid be taking care of this?

“Yes,” he grits out as he pulls off the tunic. There’s a singed and bloody hole in his side–a blaster shot. “Hux mutinied. All the officers did.”

Rey’s blood roars in her ears. “Where are you?”

“Dagobah.” He reaches for a roll of bandage, but Rey reaches through the bond. 

“The Force…can’t you…?”

“It takes a lot of energy to heal yourself. Could drain me.” He’s still reaching for the bandage, but Rey surges forward and presses her hands to his wound. She concentrates, channels her Force energy into his. There’s still a black and bloody hole when she draws back, winded, but it’s little more than a scar now. His life is no longer in danger.

“Rey…”

“Stay there. Rest,” she tells him. “I’m coming to get you. And then we’ll figure this out.” She grasps his hands in hers. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.”

He gives her a weak smile. “I want to believe that.”

“Believe it.” 

When the connection closes, her hands are still covered in his blood. _Hang on, Ben_ , she sends through the Force. 

_I will. I promise._


	48. Chapter 48

Rey has built her life on feeling inadequate.

Her friends always tell her that she’s brave. Forward. Unflappable. But it’s just a mask, a character Rey feels more comfortable slipping into than staying in her own skin. Sometimes, she doesn’t really know who the real her is.

Ben is the first person who can see the mask. Or rather, he sees what lies beneath it. None of her friends, not even Finn, have done that. She feels naked and vulnerable in front of Ben, isn’t able to keep the mask on because he’ll just see through it.

She told him as much the last time she saw him, after he’d mentioned the things she tried so hard to forget. It hadn’t been a fight, exactly, but it had been a reminder that he knew Rey better than she knew herself. It had been a reminder that he knew all the messed up things swirling around in her head, and she couldn’t even begin to grasp what was happening in his own.

So she shuts herself off for a few days, because some twisted part of her brain thinks she should spare him the burden of being around her. He texts and calls her, but she leaves him on read and lets him go to voicemail because he deserves better.

She does, however, keep replaying his voicemails.

“Rey, it’s Ben. I uh…I miss you. I know that sounds clingy but…it’s true. And I’d really like to see you again. Okay. Call me back.”

“Rey, it’s me again. Uh…I know our conversation the other night got…kind of deep and…weird, maybe…I feel like maybe you’re mad at me and I don’t know what I did but I’d really like to fix it. So…yeah.”

“It’s me. Again. I just…you know, whatever, I guess.”

“So it occurs to me that maybe you aren’t mad at me and maybe you’re scared or having a meltdown or something, which I get. And if that’s the case, I just want you to know that I care about you a lot and I want to help. And I also want you to know that the voice you hear in your head isn’t real. I know you play this spunky independent woman so you don’t have to hear it, and I get that, but whatever it’s telling you right now is a lie. You’re amazing just the way you are. Of course, I may have entirely misinterpreted your radio silence and maybe you really are mad at me, but either way, it would be nice if you could call me back, even if it’s just to tell me to fuck off.”

It’s this last voicemail Rey plays over and over as she walks to his apartment, breath rattling her shoulders. His voice is calming, comforting, like a warm blanket she wants to wrap herself in. She lets the voicemail play out for what has to be the fifteenth time as she stands in front of his apartment building, and then she hits “Call Back”.

“Hello?” he says at once.

“Hi.” She takes a deep breath, forces air into her lungs. “I’m um…I’m outside.”

She hears noise from above and looks up to see him throwing up his window. He leans out, looking equal parts awed and smug. She hangs up. “Will you buzz me in?” she calls up to him. For a terrifying moment, she thinks he’ll tell her no, that she’s been awful to him, that he’s seen behind her mask and doesn’t like it.

But then he shouts down, “If you come up here, I’m gonna tie you to my bed for at least three days, I’m just in that kind of mood.”

And Rey cracks a giant, genuine grin. “I’m okay with that.”

He disappears inside. The buzzer comes to life, that awful mechanical whirring sound Rey hates—but as she swings open his door and races up the steps to his apartment, she thinks it’s a beautiful sound.

He catches her on the landing between the second and third floors, kisses her with an ardor that takes her breath away. Then he throws her over his shoulder and carries her up the stairs. She feels dizzy with how easily and openly he wants her. And not the spunky, independent Rey whose skin she wears; he wants the real Rey, the messed up one who lives under a mask.

He sets her down when they’re in his apartment, looks as if he’s restraining himself. “I meant what I said about tying you to the bed for three days.”

“Good, because I don’t want to leave your bed for three days.” She reaches up to kiss him, splays her hand over his chest and feels his heart pounding. “I was scared,” she admits when she pulls away. “You scare me, because you make me look at all the parts of me I’ve tried to hide. No one’s ever seen me the way you do.”

It’s Ben who reaches down to kiss her now, picks her up and wraps her legs around his waist. “Don’t be afraid,” he murmurs as he carries her to his room.

And for once in her life, Rey doesn’t think she will be.


	49. Chapter 49

True to his word, Ben does not let her leave the bed for three days.

Or more correctly, he does not let her leave the bedroom, which he amends after they realize she’ll have to use the bathroom once in a while. He doesn’t let her leave the bedroom, though, insists on being the one to make food or answer the door when they get takeout. She doesn’t mind, is more than happy to drowse on his bed while he waits on her. He told her he’d tie her to the bed, but the rope is made of her own contentment.

He calls in sick for her, telling her boss that she’s down with a fever and can’t come into work. He does this while she’s sleeping, exhausted after her fifth orgasm that day.

Ben is no stranger to her body, but he spends those three days mapping out every inch, every freckle, every scar. He presses his devotion into her skin, whispers his adoration into her ears, surrenders himself in her arms.

“You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen,” he tells her, and it doesn’t feel like an exaggeration when he says it.

Rey thinks she’s in love.

When the three days end and she really can’t afford to miss more work and he should really stop abusing his freelance job, he walks her to the subway station and kisses her like she’s going on a long trip and not to her apartment.

“Come over tomorrow?” he breathes.

“Aren’t you tired of me?” she asks, half-joking and half-afraid.

He nuzzles her nose. “Never.”

And there’s just something about Ben that makes her believe him.


	50. Chapter 50

When Rey sliced Kylo Ren’s face on Starkiller Base, when she saw the jagged red line run down his face and neck, she’d felt a primal surge of satisfaction. At the time, she had attributed it to her victory, to making Han Solo’s killer suffer.

When she saw him again on Ahch-To and saw that same jagged red line, only thinner and cleaner, she’d felt that primal satisfaction again. Whatever had transpired in the handful of days since their parting, he still bore her scar. Everyone who saw his face would know that he had been bested by her. That she had laid her claim to him. She was a scavenger, understood the value of marking things so that everyone would know they were yours.

When she marks Kylo Ren, she marks him as hers.

She admires his scar now, sitting astride his hips in his TIE Silencer. It’s the same craft he’d flown to the Resistance base to defect. He keeps it well-maintained, insisting that the Resistance could use it in the future. But Rey knows he spends so much time working on the Silencer because the rebels haven’t warmed up to him yet and ships are easier than people. It always sends a protective swoop through her stomach, makes her want to kiss the frowns from his lips and uncoil the tension in his shoulders.

Mostly, it makes her want everyone to know that he is hers.

“Why do you like my scar so much?” he murmurs as she kisses her way up it.

“For the same reasons you do, I suppose.”

She isn’t an idiot—she knows the scar could have easily been removed with state-of-the-art treatment, which she also knows the First Order can afford, especially for its Supreme Leader. Even the Resistance could have managed something. He chose to keep the scar. That sends warmth pooling between her legs, makes her hips rock into his.

He sucks in a breath, fingers biting into the exposed flesh just between the waistband of her pants and the hem of her shirt.

“You’re mine,” she whispers in his ear. She lowers her mouth to his neck, and though it’s dark, she knows he’ll bear a purple mark there in the morning. “Say it.”

“I’m yours,” he rumbles obediently.

She hums in satisfaction, continues scraping her teeth along his collarbone. He’s going to be covered in marks, and that pleases her. Let them see that he belongs to her.


	51. Chapter 51

Ben has been on the Resistance base for less than one lunar cycle when people start a pool as to how long it will take him and Rey to finally have sex.

While much of the Resistance still doesn’t like or trust Ben Solo, Enemy Number One of the First Order or not, even his worst critic can see that he and Rey were clearly made for each other. When the two Force-sensitives aren’t practice sparring or poring over the sacred Jedi texts, they’re sharing smiles in the mess hall and just missing each other’s glances as they repair the Falcon.

And as far as anyone can tell, neither of them has done anything about it. They’re stuck in some kind of arrested development, too far to turn back but unable to make any progress.

And that’s why Leia sends them to Canto Bight.

It’s a simple mission–go to the casino, meet up with a contact, exchange information. In and out, easy peasy.

“And you think sending the former Supreme Leader to a resort full of the galaxy’s highest rollers is wise?” Ben asks his mother in disbelief.

“I do,” she confirms. “Because you’ll know these people better than anyone in the Resistance. I’m not saying they’re your friends,” she adds when he looks offended. “But the Resistance is made of people who have been overworked and underpaid their entire lives. They don’t have the experience you have with these types.”

“But why me?” Rey wants to know. “I know even less about these types than the others.”

“You’re the only one who can stomach Ben long enough to do it.”

And, well, that’s fair.

Resources are limited in the Resistance, so Ben and Rey will have to take whatever disguises Leia can find for them and accept them with grace. That’s the excuse she gives, anyway; they don’t need to know how easy it is for a princess and former senator to get hold of formal wear.

Honestly, what she turns up isn’t half bad; she finds a suit for Ben, one in which he’ll cut a fine figure, a flowing cape, and a mask that looks like an accessory and not a disguise.

She deliberately makes sure he doesn’t see Rey’s disguise until they leave the base.

It isn’t much of a disguise, seeing as how it leaves her face bare, but anyone who didn’t know Rey well would never piece together that the young woman in black silk is the same dirty scavenger who’d aligned herself with the Resistance.

She looks radiant.

The gown Leia’s found for her is stunning in its simplicity. It’s black, a color Leia knows her son likes, and hugs her torso, revealing the shape of a body she had previously kept hidden under layers of dirty, scratchy rags. The dress flares out just below her hips, trying desperately to cling to her legs as she walks. The back of the dress is Leia’s favorite, and she strongly suspects it will be Ben’s, too. The fabric is so scant as to be nearly nonexistent; it gives the appearance of a single silk ribbon crisscrossing the tanned plane of her back and ties in a pretty bow just above where her waist dips and curves to her pert little derrière.

Leia watches her son’s jaw go slack and smirks.

“Ben, doesn’t Rey look nice?”

“Hmm,” he says noncommittally.

Rey’s face falls, just a little, and Ben visibly scrambles to recover.

“You look amazing,” he says earnestly.

Rey smiles. Leia beams.

“Remember, you’ll know our contact by a Corellian firestar pendant. Good luck, have fun, may the Force be with you, all that good stuff.”

Poe stands beside her as she watches their craft fly out of the hangar. “Do you really think you can end weeks of unresolved sexual tension by sending them to a casino for a few hours?”

“Watch and learn, my young padawan. Watch. And. Learn.”

.

Ben and Rey return several hours later looking decidedly tousled. Rey’s hair is no longer in its elegant knot and her neck bears more than one bright purple spot. She and Ben are holding hands as they stumble as gracefully as possible through the hangar; in his other hand, he’s carrying her high heels.

“Mother,” he says, giving her a clipped nod as he and Rey reach the general.

“Ben. Rey. Any luck with our contact?”

Rey chews on her lip. “We, uh…didn’t get that far.”

“There was a commotion,” Ben says, muscle twitching in his cheek.

“Oh, a commotion. I see.” Leia shrugs. “Oh well. You’re dismissed.”

“Oh well?” Poe echoes as soon as the pair is out of earshot. “They didn’t meet up with the contact!”

“Oh, Poe, get your head out of your cockpit,” Leia snorts. “There was no contact. This was just a ruse to get them alone. And now that they’ve finally resolved all that sexual tension, I have a pool to win.” And with that, General Leia Organa sweeps out of the hangar to collect her prize.


	52. Chapter 52

Rey stomps into the house in steel-toed construction boots, overalls splattered in paint and engine grease, and a t-shirt that probably used to be white. She has goggles pushed up over her messy bun, face red and sweaty.

“How’s it going?” Ben asks, lips twitching.

“All finished,” she declares happily. She wipes her arm across her forehead, leaving a dark smudge. “I got it purring like a kitten.” She whips off her goggles, sticking her entire head under the kitchen faucet.

“What are you doing?”

“Cooling off, what’s it look like?” She stands up, letting the cold water trail down her neck and soak her t-shirt. “I bet you want me pretty bad right now, huh?” she jokes, indicating her messy state.

Ben eyes her. “Actually, yeah.”

She rolls her eyes. “Shut up.”

“I’m serious.” He sets down his coffee, settles his hands at her waist. She smells like sweat and motor oil. “Seeing you all sweaty and dirty turns me on.”

“Shut up,” she says again, but softer. She lets him kiss her, keeps her hands balled at her sides so she won’t get him dirty. “I’m gonna take a shower. You can join me if you want.”

He kisses her again. “I do want.”

They don’t make it quite to the shower. Rey decides to keep this in mind.


	53. Chapter 53

Ben knows every inch of Rey’s body. Every curve, every freckle, every little hair. He’s mapped her body like so many stars, spent hours poring over and worshipping it. 

Rey never says it out loud, doesn’t even mean for him to hear it when she thinks it, but some thoughts are too loud to be silenced.

_He treats me like I’m beautiful._

“You are beautiful,” he murmurs into kiss-warmed skin. “You are perfect.”

“I’m not,” she protests, but he trails more kisses up her belly, between her breasts and up her neck until he’s reached her lips. 

“You _are_ perfect.” He cradles her head in his hand, strokes her cheek with his thumb. “You are the most perfect thing in the galaxy.” 

“You’re full of shit, Ben Solo,” she whispers. 

He tickles her, fingers skimming her ribs and the spaces between them. She laughs, thrashes against his touch and only halfheartedly tries to stop him. He pins her wrists above her head and kisses her again.

 _You are beautiful_ , he tells her through their bond, and tries to show her what he sees. He shows her what she looks like, sleeping amongst the rumpled sheets, hair splayed out in a corona against the pillow. He shows her what she looks like in the ‘fresher, naked and gleaming and smiling to no one but herself because there’s so much water. He shows her what looks like when she rides him, golden skin bright with sweat and pupils blown so wide her eyes are black. He shows her the dips in her spine, the curve of her breasts, the ripple of a long-healed scar on the back of her leg. There are tears in her eyes when he draws back.

 _I look so beautiful in your eyes,_ she tells him. 

 _You are_ , he tells her, kissing her jaw. _You are. You are._


	54. Chapter 54

“Go on ahead!” Rey shouts at her friends.

“Rey!” Finn’s eyes are wide, nervous. “We’re not leaving you behind!”

“Ren is after you,” Rose reminds her.

“And that’s exactly why you have to go,” Rey tells them. “He only wants me. Not you. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.” When they hesitate, she shakes her head. “He won’t hurt me.”

“You can’t know that.”

“I can. I do. I feel it.” She makes a shooing motion. “Go. Now. I’ll be fine.”

And she will be. Physically. But emotionally, she doesn’t think she’s ready to see him again. Luke had told her that she went straight for the dark, that she didn’t even try to stop herself. She’s stronger now…but so, she knows, is he.

All around her are the sounds of a skirmish, TIE fighters and X-wings and blasters firing while Resistance and First Order soldiers shout and storm the castle. Yet above it all, she feels the pulsing approach of Ben Solo. A vision, either of her own making or the Force’s, shows him walking down a long corridor, his pace unhurried but determined. His black cape sweeps around him, and at his side, his lightsaber crackles with energy. It’s different now; lighter. Less red. She doesn’t know what that means and doesn’t have time to ponder as she ignites her own blade, grips the hilt with both hands.

He rounds the corner slowly, and something about seeing him in person for the first time in a long time very nearly takes her breath away. He looks the same as before, but different, somehow. Maybe it’s just the yellow-orange glow of his lightsaber reflected in his eyes. Maybe it’s just because she feels different and wants desperately for him to be too.

He pauses, watching her. She adjusts her grip on the hilt, widens her stance a fraction.

The Supreme Leader shrugs his cloak off of his shoulders, the thick black material pooling gracefully behind him. He hunches, just a little, and then charges. She sinks her weight into her knees and bounces back, running head-on. The first clash of sabers is only a test, blades sparking as they meet. It feels, Rey thinks horribly, like their blades are singing to each other, eager to meet again after so long apart. They twirl their blades as they wheel around, closer; his blade arcs through the air and meets hers in a parry. He has the advantage, presses her back, but Rey’s just getting started. She parries two more of his thrusts before she lets out a small shout and charges again, pushing him back as their blades meet again and again and again. Something shifts, and then it’s Ben who has the advantage, fiery saber swinging as he takes more ground.

“I told my uncle I would destroy you,” he says, but there is no emotion in his voice.

“You won’t.”

He’s backed her against the wall now, could end her life with one downward cut if he so chooses.

“You’re right.” He lowers his head to meet her eyes. “I won’t.”

He kisses her.

She struggles, but only a little. His kiss is rough and gentle, a plea and an apology. It’s the kiss he should have given her after killing Snoke and his Praetorian Guard, the kiss she saw coming and was too afraid to let happen. She’s stronger now.

_You went straight to the dark_ , Luke Skywalker told her, but what he never understood about the dark is that it cannot exist without the light. There is no dark without light. There is no light without dark.

“You lied,” she accuses when he pulls back, tears spilling down her face. “You told me you wouldn’t destroy me, but you just did.”

“You’re still holding on,” he murmurs, so much softer now than when they’d been on the _Finalizer._ “Let go.”

Slowly, she does. She lets her fingers uncurl from the hilt of her lightsaber, thumbing it off before it falls with a clatter to the stone floor. He drops his own saber, lets his hands fall to his sides as his eyes search hers. Slowly, she does.

“Show me,” she says, willing her trembling voice to steady. “Show me how to let go.”

Ben holds out his hand.

Rey takes it.

She’s stronger now.


	55. Chapter 55

They hear the baby crying at the same time. They lie there for a minute, ears strained. There’s a man’s voice, low and soothing, and the baby’s cries pitter off into hiccups.

“He’s good,” Rey mumbles, voice heavy with sleep. “Even you can’t get Ani to calm down that quickly.”

“Anakin Skywalker: Jedi Knight, war hero, Sith Lord, and baby whisperer.”

Rey chuckles, but it’s tinged with sadness. She’s no stranger to the ghost of Anakin Skywalker; she would even consider him a friend, if the Force ghost of your husband’s grandfather can be your friend at all. He knows how to build things, how to fly just about anything. His sense of humor is dryer than Jakku and his teasing is merciless. And underneath all of this is a man who had and still has so much love to give. Rey thinks that’s really the reason he turned to the dark side; he loved his mother and Padmé more than the Jedi Order would let him. He was not allowed to love, so he became a creature of hate.

He would have been such a good father. The young kind with boundless energy, the kind that’s practically a child themselves. It makes her heart ache when she thinks about it.   
  
But at least, she reminds herself, he has them. He has their children, hers and Ben’s, and he loves them like his own.

They hear Hope pad into her brother’s room and demand a story, followed by an obliging tone.

“She should be asleep.”

“He’ll put her to bed.”

They’re quiet for a long moment, listening to Anakin Skywalker’s voice rumbling down the hall.

“I saw him a few times when I was a kid,” Ben says softly. “Mom didn’t like it. Didn’t like him. Told him to go away. She never forgave him for what he did to her. When I got older, I thought I’d just imagined it.”

Rey shifts towards him, waits for him to go on.

“I was mad at him for a while, after he…came back. For giving up on me.” He lets out a shaky exhale. “But I don’t think I was the one he gave up on.”

“He loves you,” she says softly. “You Skywalkers are just bad at showing it.”

He laughs. “Yeah, we are.”

She moves even closer, settles her head on his chest as his arms envelope her. “You’re getting better, though. Both of you.”

He hums. “Have I showed you lately how much I love you?”

“Yes, but you can always show me again.”


	56. Chapter 56

Ben has never looked more out of place than he does in the cockpit of the _Falcon_. He is big and hulking, immaculate black leather standing out in the dirty, grimy cockpit of his father’s ship. 

“What happened to it?” he asks, frowning. 

“What do you mean?”

He gestures to the paneling, which features a large number of wires poking out in what has got to be an electrical fire hazard. “It’s different. Someone’s been messing with it.”

“Oh. Well, Gannis Ducain stole it from Han,” she explains. “And the Irving Boys stole it from Ducain, and then Unkar Plutt stole it from the Irving Boys, and I stole it from Unkar Plutt.”

Ben’s nose wrinkles. “The junkyard boss.”

“Yes. But look, Chewie and I have been repairing it.” She leans over the control panel to show him. “By the time I found it, the ignition sequence ran the risk of blowing up the hyperdrive, but I figured out that the way to make sure that doesn’t happen is to bypass the–”

“Compressor,” he finishes, eyes wide as he takes in her handiwork. “Impressive.” 

She bites her lip. “You think so?”

He nods, eyes roaming the rest of the cockpit. “I think my dad could’ve used your help a long time ago.” He finally looks at her. “What else have you been doing to this rust-bucket?”

She flushes, just a little. “I can show you. If…you want.”

He nods. “I do. Very much.”

Rey holds out her hand, and without any hesitation, Ben takes it. 


	57. Chapter 57

“Join me.” 

Rey wants to. Oh, she wants to. She’s never fit in anywhere, has never had a family or even friends who aren’t runaway Stormtroopers she’s known for a handful of hours. She could have that with him–a place where she belongs, a family, a friend. She promised she would bring him back, but now that Snoke is dead, wouldn’t joining him be the same thing?

He shifts even closer to her, lip trembling. “Please,” he rasps. 

She looks at his hand, remembers how she had touched it only a few hours ago. That had felt so _right_. 

“Promise me,” she begins, but her voice catches and she swallows, tries to start again. “Promise me that you’ll order the First Order to stop firing on the Resistance.” She takes a deep breath. “Promise me this and I will join you.”

His eyes are wide, as if he can’t quite believe her request. Her heart begins to sink…but then he nods. “Whatever you want,” he swears, soft but intense. “I’ll do it.”

Her breath comes rushing back to her, and a weight she hadn’t even known was there lifts from her chest. 

Her hand touches his. 

It feels right. 


	58. Chapter 58

“I don’t need a protector,” Ben says flatly.

The neutral expression on Rey’s face flickers. “There have been multiple assassination attempts on your life and the perpetrator hasn’t been caught yet–”

“I was trained by Luke the same as you,” he drawls. “I can protect myself just fine.”

“You’re trying to push a bill through,” she reminds him. “You can’t do that if you’re constantly looking over your shoulder or hiding out from an assassin.”

“Yes, I’m sure my would-be assassin will quiver at the sight of you.”

She frowns. “Why are you being such an asshole? That’s not very princely of you.”

“I _told_ you to never call me that.”

“What’s the matter, Prince Ben?”

“Rey…”

“Is His Worshipfulness embarrassed? Perhaps he’d like to take a nap in the royal bedchamber?”

When Luke and Leia enter the room, they find Ben and Rey looking very un-princely and un-Jedi-like as they wrestle on the floor.

“Some things never change,” Leia sighs. “You’re sure this is a good idea?”

“No,” Luke admits. “There’s a distinct possibility she’ll kill him before his attacker does.” 

“Well, at least he’ll have died the way he lived–getting his ass kicked by a girl half his size.” 


	59. Chapter 59

Ben wakes up to the now familiar sensation of Hope’s feet digging into his chest. He doesn’t even have to look at her to know that she’s sucking her thumb, her other hand curled in Rey’s hair. He tries to settle and go back to sleep, but as if sensing he’s awake, Hope rolls over and fixes her eyes on his.

“‘Wake,” she observes.

“Yeah, awake,” he sighs.

She gives him a look. He sighs again and gets up, picking her up when she holds out her arms expectantly. Before Hope, he’d never consider getting up at six am on a day off. He’d even joked during the pregnancy that he’d train his baby to sleep late. He was, as his mother had warned him, eating his words now.

He plops Hope in front of her Fisher-Price playset and puts the television on PBS. By the time Rey shuffles into the kitchen, he’s got her coffee, toast, and orange ready and waiting.

“I love you,” she tells him, which is exceptionally generous of her to say considering how long she’s been awake. Then, “What if Hope stayed with your mom tonight?”

Ben immediately perks up. “What do you have in mind, Mrs. Solo?”

She gives him her best impish smile—which, again, is an incredible feat at this hour. “I miss having daddy to myself.”

He rests his hands on her hips, thinks she looks fucking sexy in his old sweatshirt. “She’s glued to the TV—think we can get one in before you have to go?”

“Horndog,” she whispers, but she tugs him into the downstairs bathroom anyway.


	60. Chapter 60

Rey is awakened in the middle of the night to pounding on the front door. She lies in bed for a long moment, petrified, but the pounding continues. The offender is yelling something, too, and Rey worries that Poe forgot to tell her something. She gets out of bed, clutching her phone to her chest in case she needs to call 911, and creeps to the front door. 

“Come on, Dameron, I’m not fucking kidding!” the voice bellows. It’s a man. “If you don’t open this door in the next five seconds I’m pissing all over your front porch you piece of shit—“

She opens the door, scowling. “What the fuck is your problem?”

The stranger blinks at her. He’s…kind of hot. He also reeks of liquor. “You’re not Poe,” he accuses.

“I’m not,” she agrees. 

He tilts his head. “You sleeping with him?”

“What? No!” She wrinkles her nose. “I’m his friend. He’s out of town and I’m house-sitting for him.” She realizes she probably shouldn’t share this kind of information with a stranger, but she’s not thinking clearly after her rude awakening. 

“Oh fuck. I forgot he was out of town.” The stranger leans against the doorjamb. “I’m so sorry…I’m Poe’s friend and sometimes he lets me crash here when I get fucked up. ‘Cause he’s so close to downtown and that way I don’t have to drive.” He shoves a massive hand in front of her. “‘M Ben.”

“I’m Rey,” she says, shaking his hand despite herself. 

“Hi, Rey.” He winces. “I’m sorry to bother you, but I really have to pee…”

“Oh, yeah, sure…” She steps aside, watching in amusement as he practically gallops to the bathroom. She tries not to listen to him pee.

The toilet flushes and the sink runs, and a moment later Ben is stumbling out of the bathroom. “I’m sorry for the first impression,” he says, clearly trying not to slur. “I promise I’m not normally…like this.”

“It’s fine,” she says, shrugging. 

They stand there for a moment, looking at each other. The spell is broken when Poe’s cat, BB, winds around Ben’s ankles, meowing.

“Hey, nosy,” Ben greets the cat. He looks back up at Rey. “I’ll, uh, call a Lyft and get out of your hair.”

She feels kind of bad, but not bad enough to invite a total stranger to spend the night in this house she’s staying in by herself. “Okay. Do you want some water before you go?”

He shakes his head, smiling. “I don’t want to embarrass myself anymore than I already have.” He pulls out his phone, face momentarily flamingo pink as the Lyft app loads. Rey picks up BB and pets him while Ben summons a ride. 

“Two minutes.” He puts down the phone. “Thanks for letting me use the bathroom. That was very charitable of you, all things considered.”

She shrugs, smiling. “Well, I’d rather you not pee on the front porch.”

He winces. “I’ll make a better impression next time.”

“Next time?”

But he’s already out the door. 


	61. Chapter 61

The Caretakers like Ben. Rey supposes that makes sense; he’s quiet, and he’s been helping them around the island in his self-imposed exile. Alcida-Auka still hasn’t forgotten Rey, squeaking in dismay when the human woman returns.

“She doesn’t like you,” Ben explains to her, as if she didn’t know.

“Can’t imagine why,” Rey mutters. She is trying to make amends, to make as little fuss as possible, but the Lanai are unimpressed.

All that is put aside, though, the night of the celebration. The Caretakers are too gleeful at the sight of the Visitors to remember their grudge with Rey. They eat and drink and dance, swinging their seaweed ropes in jubilation.

“What does it mean?” Rey asks, watching the dancing as she drinks the briny ale one of the Lanai pressed into her hands. “This celebration they do.”

“The Visitors spend all month fishing,” Ben explains. “They come home once a month to feed the Caretakers and their young.” He pauses. “It’s also a mating festivity.”

Rey chokes on her ale. “What?”

Ben is trying (and failing) to hide his amusement. “Yes. I mean, the males and the females are separated for weeks at a time—why else do you think they’re so happy?”

So that’s why Alcida-Auka is in such a good mood—she’s about to get laid. The thought turns Rey’s cheeks red, and Ben laughs.

“They think you’re like the Visitors,” he tells her after a long moment.

“Because I bring you real food once in a while?”

He shrugs, the smile gone from his face. “Because you come to see me.”

The implication is not lost on Rey. She thinks of the Caretakers, eager to see their men again after a long absence. She thinks of the enthusiasm of their reunion, the desperation with which they must make love.

Because you come to see me.

Ben takes a deep breath. “Rey—“

“I’m going to my hut,” she tells him, and she doesn’t miss the hurt in his eyes. “I’m going to my hut, and…” She doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know how to tell him, how to ask him…

But he fills in the blanks, and slowly, he stands up. Without a word, she threads their hands together and leads him back to the huts.


	62. Chapter 62

“I don’t need your protection,” Senator Ben Organa said for what had to be the hundredth time that day.

“Listen, I’m just as unhappy about the situation as you are,” Rey said, hissing after him like an angry goose. “But Luke and Leia ordered this, so we might as well—“

“Senator Organa!”

A group of senators was gathered just inside the entryway, greeting Ben with guarded smiles. Everyone knew that Ben was the son of the formidable Leia Organa, and they knew, too, that he had trained as a Jedi before he turned to politics. His family combined with his Force abilities made him the last person any sensible person would want as their enemy.

So why someone was after him, Rey had no idea.

“Senators,” Ben said, dipping his head.

Rey felt rather than saw the curiosity on their faces. Ben must have, too, because it was with a sigh that he gestured to Rey. “My Jedi protector.”

“So the rumors are true,” one woman said, looking delighted.

“Formality more than necessity.” Ben inclined his head. “If you’ll excuse me.” And he set off, Rey practically jogging to keep up with him.

“Oi!” She finally caught up with him. “Do you have to treat me like garbage?”

“If it will make you leave me alone, yes.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “You’re stuck with me, Ben.”

“Should’ve left you on Jakku,” he said, but there was no rancor behind his words. If anything, Rey could hear him holding back a smile.

“Yeah, well, if you’d done that, it would be Luke shadowing your every step right now instead of me.”

“I’m trying to decide which is a bigger pain in the ass…”

Rey smacked his arm, and for a moment, they were kids again, teasing each other as only children who grew up together can.

“Seriously, Ben,” she said, voice softened. “Can we try to get along? For old times’ sake?”

“We never got along in the old times, either,” he said, but there was a conciliatory note in his tone. “Okay. On one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“If Lady Carise Sindian comes over, you have to pretend there’s a threat to my life and whisk me away.”

“It looks like you do need protection after all.”

“Trust me, if you met Lady Carise, you’d understand.”

And they walked into his pod together, smiling more than perhaps they ought to have.


	63. Chapter 63

Ben feels the disturbance long before the lieutenant bursts into the room. 

“Supreme Leader,” the younger man says, face blanched. “There’s a girl…from the Resistance…”

Ben stands up, strides out the door without so much as a backward glance. He finds them in a corridor, two Stormtroopers shoving Rey along. One of them raises an electroprobe…

…but it never makes contact, because Ben flicks his fingers, sending the Stormtrooper and his electroprobe skittering down the corridor. The other smashes against the wall, sinking to the floor in an undignified heap. Ben waves his hand and the restraints fall with a clatter.

“Did they hurt you?” he asks tersely.

She shakes her head, rubbing her wrists. 

He shifts, not a little put out that she isn’t impressed by that display. “Why are you here?”

She straightens her back. “I want to make you an offer.”

He raises an eyebrow. “You have my full attention.”

Rey takes a deep breath. “I want you to come with me. Back to the Resistance.”

He has to hand it to her—she certainly has courage. “You realize I’m the Supreme Leader of the First Order?”

“You never wanted to be,” she says quietly. “Ben, this isn’t the life you wanted.”

“Neither is joining a ragtag group of rebels led by my mother,” he growls. 

“You said it was time to let old things die,” she reminds him. “But you’re the one keeping them alive. The First Order, the Supreme Leader, Snoke…you have the power to destroy these things, but you’re still holding on.” She takes a step forward. “It’s time for you to let go.” 

“No.” His voice is petulant, like a child’s, even to his own ears. “I am the Supreme Leader—I control the entire galaxy—“

“You have the illusion of control, but nothing more.” She shakes her head. “Ben. Come with me. We can put an end to the First Order, you can live the life you wanted…”

“I can’t.” He says this with certainty. “It’s too late for that.”

She closes the distance between them, reaches for his hand. “It isn’t too late,” she says quietly. 

She’s close now, as close as she was in the lift when he’d wanted so badly to dip his head and taste her lips. He couldn’t then because he knew Snoke would see. But Snoke is gone, and if anyone sees on the security footage, it won’t matter. He’s the Supreme Leader. 

For now.

He does dip his head then, brushes his lips against hers. She pulls him closer, deepens the kiss. 

“You’re not alone,” she breathes. “Come with me, Ben.”

And for some reason, he does. 


	64. Chapter 64

The bond has a habit of fizzling to life at inopportune moments. Not that any moment is really ever opportune, but right now is especially bad timing.

Ben is naked from the waist up, has just reached for the waistline of his pants when he hears the familiar vacuum. He freezes, waits for the inevitable. He’s never quite prepared to see Rey, not after the Finalizer, but he’s even less so when she materializes in front of him, arm and hands spattered with blood. She has a look of intense concentration on her face, doesn’t even look up at him. He realizes she’s plucking a needle out of the red gash in her arm, is sewing up her own wound.

“Rey…”

“I’m okay,” she says, not taking her eyes off her task.

He crouches as close to her as he dares. “You’re not okay.”

“I am,” she insists, voice quavering just a little. “I’ve had worse.”

“Just because you’ve had worse doesn’t mean this isn’t bad.”

She exhales shakily. “It’ll be okay. I’ve sterilized it, and I’ve stitched myself up before, I know what I’m doing…”

“You should go to the medbay,” he urges. “They can heal this, make it look like it never happened…”

“I can do it myself,” she snaps. “I don’t need a droid fixing me up when there are people with actual injuries…”

“This is an actual injury.” He runs his hand through his hair. “Rey…”

“Oh, go put on a shirt, I can’t take you seriously right now.”

“I’ll put on a shirt if you promise to go to the medbay.”

“Fine, don’t wear a shirt then.”

He rocks back on his heels. “You’re entitled to be taken care of, Rey. This injury is easy to heal. No one will think you’re a burden or weak because you sought help.”

Her hand wavers, teeth worrying her lower lips. He sees her defenses falling and presses deeper. “This could get infected or heal badly—you know that. A droid can take care of it in minutes, and no one but you has to know the details.”

She pauses, considering him. “Okay,” she says after a long moment. She reaches for a knife, snips the string she was using. “I’ll go.” She gets to her feet, wobbling just a little. He reaches out, steadying her, and nearly feels his heart stop when she gives him a pale smile. “Seriously, go put on a shirt.” And with that, she marches out the door, half-stitched and wholly determined.


	65. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This...is a/b/o. Sort of. There's no sex, just...the allusion to it...okay

Rey doesn’t necessarily believe that omegas _need_ an alpha in order to be happy. She’s seen plenty of omegas in happy, fulfilled relationships with betas, and she’s even seen omegas make it work with other omegas. She strongly objects to the stereotype that omegas are only happy when they’re with alphas, and that any non-alpha partner is just “going through a phase”. She’s been with betas before and she’s been perfectly happy. She’s been with alphas and been perfectly unhappy. So, no, omegas don’t need alphas any more than alphas need omegas, which is to say, not a jot.

But at the same time, she thinks, there is something to be said about non-beta solidarity. 

Her office is entirely made up of betas. That isn’t unusual, since alphas and omegas are somewhat rare these days, but it is kind of a letdown. Betas just don’t _get_ it. They think heat leave is some kind of privilege…like anyone would _ask_ to go into a lust-induced haze twice a year where you soak through your clothes and can’t stop fucking. They don’t give off much of a scent, making it harder for Rey to understand their emotions and for them to understand hers. And they actually believe some of the stereotypes about alphas and omegas, like that alphas are naturally aggressive and that omegas are clingy and weak. 

Which is how she sort of finds herself bonding with Ben Solo.

He isn’t her first choice for an office-buddy, per se, but he just…gets it. His scent, besides being incredibly nice (that doesn’t, she tells herself sternly, mean anything), displays his emotions; she can tell when he’s angry, when he’s happy, and she knows that he can sense hers, too. Whenever she feels her coworkers resenting her for going on paid heat leave or they ask her about her suppressants or they’re just being _too much_ , she knows she can go find Ben and they can trash-talk betas together. 

It’s during one of these trash-talks that Rey reveals her disastrous heats with betas and how now she only does them alone.

“Wait, wait, wait,” he says, setting down his fork. “You go through _all_ your heats… _alone_?”

“Yes,” she says, hackles rising, because even if he gets what it’s like to be a non-beta, he doesn’t get what it’s like to be an omega.

“Isn’t that…doesn’t that…”

“I don’t need anyone during my heats,” she says coolly. 

She can sense him pulling back. “Okay,” he mumbles.

She sighs. “It’s…supposedly easier with an…alpha, but I just. I don’t know.” She stares down at her salad. “It’s this time when you’re like…really…vulnerable, I guess? And I don’t want to just find a random alpha to…you know…”

“Right.”

She shrugs. “It’s just, I don’t know, easier if I manage it on my own.”

They’re quiet for a long moment, and Rey is starting to worry that maybe she’s overshared, when he says quietly, “What if there was an alpha who…wasn’t random?”

She chews slowly, finally bringing her eyes back up to his. “What are you suggesting?”

He clears his throat. “I’m suggesting, maybe next time you go through your heat…I could help you with it. Only if you want,” he’s quick to add. “And it wouldn’t…it would just be as a…friend…thing.”

“Friends knot each other?” she asks, and then instantly wishes she’d kept her mouth shut.

He looks like he’s trying not to laugh. “Only if you wanted me to.”

It could be interpreted as flirting. It’s definitely the kind of thing she could go to HR about. But. She doesn’t. Because if she’s being honest, his offer intrigues her. She knows the science, knows that her biology is still so primitive that however she may personally feel about alphas and betas, her heat will go much easier if an alpha knots inside her. 

“We’d need to talk about it. At length,” she says slowly.

He nods. “Obviously.”

“We’d have to lay down some…ground rules.”

“Conditions,” he supplies.

It’s her turn to nod. “Yes, exactly. Conditions.”

They look at each other for a long moment.

Rey hopes she knows what she’s getting herself into. 


	66. Chapter 66

****

As soon as the med droid backs away, Rey slips over to his side. “How does it feel?”

He twists his arm this way and that, watching his hand. It looks like a real hand, even moves like one. If he didn’t know any better, he’d think this was the same hand that he’d lost. “It doesn’t, really.”

She watches his hand too. “Not at all?”

“I know it’s there,” he amends. “Physically, I mean. It just. It feels…numb.”

“Can I touch it?” she asks quietly. 

“Yes.”

She reaches for his hand, lightly presses her fingertips to his. He jolts at the contact.

“You can feel that?”

“Yes.” He folds her hand in his, marvels at how the numb feeling abates when he touches her. “I feel everything.” He releases her hand, reaches up to stroke her cheek, run his thumb along the seam of her mouth. 

She kisses his thumb, brings both her hands up to take his. “Almost like it never happened.”

He thinks back to the Knight of Ren that had taken his hand, the one who had meant to kill Rey. Ben knows he won’t ever forget the blood roaring in his ears as he swung his saber, how the pain flaring from his wrist only fanned the flames of his anger. He will never forget how Rey wrapped her arms around him after, how his heart had hammered against her tearstained cheek. 

“Almost,” he says softly. 


	67. Chapter 67

“Why did he have so much _stuff_?” Ben says crossly, sifting through what appears to be _another_ box of junk. 

“Well, you said he grew up poor, didn’t you?” Rey says, zoning out just a little as she mentally calculates what they’ll be able to take with them and what they’ll give away. “People who grow up poor hoard stuff…because we’re never sure when we’ll need it again.” She doesn’t realize she’s saying it, too lost in her thoughts, but Ben straightens up and looks at her. 

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“What?” she snaps back to the present and then, seeing the pained look on his face, replays their interaction. “Oh. I know you didn’t. I’m not…I’m not offended. Just…thinking out loud.” She peers into another box. “A lot of these are car parts, tools…” So, yes, small things a once-poor person had squirreled away in the fear that they’d need them again. “I could find a use for them.”

“We can just give them to an antique store or something.”

“Or we could do that.” Truthfully, the idea of giving anything away, no matter how useful it could be, is still a new one to Rey. But then, she never had much to begin with, and she clung to it as tightly as she could in those awful years she bounced around homes. Ben found her just last week frantically trying to mend a blanket she’d had for years. The blanket had no sentimental value, but it was still a _blanket_ , and Rey couldn’t just _throw it out_ because it had a tear. Her explanation had upset Ben so much that he’d gone out and bought three new blankets–nice, plush ones that kept her much warmer than the scraggly old thing she finally, finally consented to cut up and turn into rags. (She’s pretty sure Ben threw them out anyway, and oddly, she finds she doesn’t mind.)

“Figure out what you want to take and what you want to give away,” he suggests, using his sneaker to push another box towards her. “I’ll go check on Mom.”

“Okay.” She squats down to examine the contents of the new box when he drops down beside her and kisses her temple. 

“Thanks for doing this,” he mumbles. “I don’t think I could’ve done it alone.”

“Of course,” she says, wrapping her arms around him. “I’d never make you do this alone.”

“I know. That’s why I love you.”


	68. Chapter 68

Ben wakes up to find the metal grate floor perilously close to his face. Something firm is around his back and legs. He realizes he’s being carried.

Him. Kylo Ren. Being carried.

And not just by anyone, if those boots are any indication. He’s being carried by Rey. Rey!

Not that it really surprises him. He knows how strong she is. He’s seen her thoughts, her memories of climbing around old star destroyers with parts strapped to her back and fighting off troublemakers with her staff. And he’s seen firsthand how strong she is with the Force, how fiercely she fights and how stubbornly she’d resisted Snoke.

But seeing those memories and actually being carried by her are two very different things. She’s actually carrying him. No one can carry him. It’d taken two Stormtroopers to load him into Hux’s speeder in the forest, both of them grunting with the effort. Rey walks steadily, her breaths deep but not labored.

“I know you’re awake,” she says, almost sounding cross. “But I’m not putting you down.”

“Okay,” he says dumbly. “Where are we going?”

“If I tell you, you’ll try to get away.”

It occurs to him that after trying to take Anakin’s lightsaber, she might be trying to do away with him. The thought saddens him but he’s resigned to his fate. “Are you going to kill me?”

“What?” She sounds surprised, and not a little hurt. “No! I’m—Ben, I’m saving you.”

His heartbeat starts to quicken at that. She’s so…good, and pure, and so full of boundless love and optimism. She’s too good for this galaxy.

“I’m taking you to your mother,” she continues, and his heart starts racing for entirely different reasons now.

“I’d rather not—“

She stops in her tracks, bending her knees and tipping him onto his feet. He’s more disappointed by this turn of events than he’d like to let on, but when he realizes that he can see her face this way, the disappointment fades. Her face is flushed and shining with sweat and her eyes…he could get lost in those eyes.

“You asked me to join you,” she says with steely resolve. “I won’t join you if it means joining the First Order.” Her voice softens. “Ben…I want you to join me.”

“And the Resistance?” he asks quietly.

“Snoke has been making choices for you your entire life—he wanted you to follow in his footsteps. He’s dead now…so why are you still following the path he set in front of you?”

Ben can’t help it—he kisses her. Not a suave, romantic kiss, either, which figures as he hasn’t kissed anyone in years. He accidentally knocks them both into the wall, his lips just missing hers. But then he tilts his head and the angle is so much better. Rey, to his utter delight, reciprocates, wrapping her arms around his neck and standing on her toes to better meet his lips.

“I’ll go with you,” he breathes. “I’ll go wherever you ask, as long as you’re by my side. As long as I’m not alone.”

“Never alone,” she promises. “Not if I can help it.”

He steps back and holds out his hand. Rey takes it, and together, they head for Crait and the Resistance.


	69. Chapter 69

“Look, I get that you’re, you know, in love and stuff,” Finn is saying. “But there are other people in this house.”

“Good sex deserves to be loud,” Rey says, spreading cream cheese on her bagel. “And anyway, we weren’t that loud.”

“Au contraire! We all heard you!”

She shrugs. “You knew what you were getting into when we invited you to the cabin.”

“I didn’t know I was getting front row seats to ‘Ben Big Dick Solo and His Neverending Stamina.’”

“What about my stamina?” Ben yawns as he pads into the kitchen. His neck, Finn is distressed to see, is covered in love bites.

“It’s neverending, apparently.” Rey tilts up her head to receive a kiss. “Finn thinks we’re too loud.”

“Fuck that. Good sex deserves to be loud.”

Rey smirks.

Finn rolls his eyes. “Can you try having bad sex, then?”

“It’s never bad with Ben,” Rey says loyally. Ben leans down to kiss her again, but the kiss goes on for a long moment. Like, way too long.

“You two are disgusting.”

Without breaking the kiss, Ben and Rey simultaneously flip him off.


	70. Chapter 70

“Stop looking at your feet.”

Rey huffs. “How am I supposed to—“

“Use the Force,” he tells her. “Feel your surroundings. Learn to look with more than just your eyes.” When she only frowns in response, he reaches forward, gently touching his fingers to her eyelids until she closes them. “Try it with your eyes closed.”

“Hmm, I don’t think so,” she says, but she keeps her eyes closed. She becomes starkly aware of Ben’s presence near her—the sound of his feet shifting in the dirt, the smell of his sweat, the sound of his breath. She can hear his saber crackling towards her; she sidesteps easily, bringing her own blade down to block his. She can practically feel his smirk.

“See?”

“I can’t see anything,” she quips, but she has to admit—she understands what he means now. She feints a backward lunge and instead kicks his feet out from under him. “Hmm,” she says, standing over him. “Looks like you should’ve been watching your feet.”

“You—“ Ben tosses his lightsaber to the side and reaches for Rey’s ankle, tugging her onto the ground beside him. She laughs, fending off his tickling fingers. She knocks him onto his back, trying to pin his hands on the ground where he can’t tickle her, but he rolls them onto her back and pins both her hands down with one of his, using the other to find all her sensitive spots.

“Ben!” she squeals, struggling half heartedly against his hold. He finds a particularly ticklish spot beneath her armpit and she jerks. To her surprise, so does Ben, flying off of her and skidding a few feet away. He lands in an undignified heap, staring at her with wide eyes.

Rey rushes to his side. “Ben, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize I was using it—“

But Ben just laughs. “Come on, Jedi,” he teases, getting to his feet. “Let’s wash off this dirt, and then you can throw me around some more.”


	71. Chapter 71

“You have to give her space.”

His hand clenches into a fist. “When you love someone—“

“If you love someone,” his mother says, gentle but firm, “you’ll know when they need you and when they need to be alone.”

As angry as the words make Ben, there’s a flicker of uncertainty. Shouldn’t people who are in love want to spend every waking moment together? Isn’t that what being in love is? Isn’t that why he’s always thought his parents weren’t really in love? Because they didn’t need to be around each other all the time?

“You’re very…intense,” Leia says, still in that gentle tone. “It’s not always a bad thing—it’s made you very forthright. You know what you want and you go for it.”

Ben twists his lips. “Come on, Mom—you’re the one who told me nothing a person says before the word ‘but’ means anything.”

Leia mirrors his wry smile. “But. It can be…overwhelming. Rey is used to being alone—“

“And now she doesn’t have to be,” Ben tries to interject. “Because she has me.

“She’s used to being alone,” Leia says, louder. “And like it or not, that’s the default for her. You can’t force her to change because it’s inconvenient for you.”

His mother has both watered the situation down horrifically and made it embarrassingly clear to him. He sits for a moment, fuming like a child, angry with himself.

“Give her some space,” Leia says again, gently. “You’re suffocating her. Just let her breathe and have time to miss you.”

“Is that what you and Dad did?” he can’t help asking.

“More or less.” The corners of her mouth lift in a smile. “I told him once that I always hated watching him walk away, and he said that’s why he did it—so I’d miss him.”

Han had said something similar once. Ben had only rolled his eyes at the time, assuming, in his sixteen-year-old worldliness, that he knew so much better than his parents.

He’s oddly happy to be wrong.

“Give her time,” Leia says. “And in the meantime, suffer the company of your old mom. I never see you anymore.”

“You saw me on Tuesday,” he points out, rolling his eyes.

“See? I never see you anymore.”

“I’m starting to see where I get my clinginess from.”


	72. Chapter 72

When Rey told Finn about Ben Solo (not Kylo Ren—Ben Solo), she’d sounded half in love with him. 

“There is good in him,” she’d insisted. “He can still be brought to the light.” 

Finn doesn’t know anything about the light, but he does know about Kylo Ren and the First Order. He’s seen what Ren can do. The man has no qualms about harming his own officers, and a man like that is ruthless against his opponents. Finn doesn’t know what Rey saw in him, but it couldn’t have been good or light. It had to have been a trick. No one is safe from his wrath.

Except, it seems, for Rey. 

Ren carries her as gently and as delicately as if she will break, his eyes softening whenever he looks at her. Finn can not reconcile this man with his former leader, cannot see how the man who ordered an entire village slaughtered can have so much affection for one woman. 

When they reach the galley, Ren sets her on a counter. She’s weaving, her eyes unfocused. “Stay with me,” he murmurs. He takes off his glove and, pressing his forehead against hers, touches his hand to her wound. 

Finn can’t quite understand it. He sees it, and yet, there is nothing to see. Some sort of energy passes between them. Rey’s wounds close and color returns to her cheeks. She and Ren breathe in tandem, in and out, chests swelling and contracting as air passes through their lungs. 

A moment later, Rey’s eyes open, then crinkle softly as they take in Ren.

“Rey?” Finn asks, loath to break the spell but knowing they can’t linger here.

Ren scowls at him, but Rey nods. “I’m okay. We should go.” She starts to get off the counter; Finn lurches forward, but Ren holds up a hand.

“She can do it.

And she can; she stands up easily, as if she wasn’t just bleeding out a moment ago. Her hand, Finn can’t help noticing, slips into Ren’s. “I’m okay. Really. Now let’s get out of here.”

Finn was wrong. Rey isn’t half in love with Ren.

She’s completely, wholly, head over heels in love. 

And the feeling, it seems, is mutual. 


	73. Chapter 73

The desert is cold at night.

Rey never found it that odd. Hot during the day, cold at night. She used to think all planets were like that. But the past few months have shown her planets that are hot all the time and cold all the time and planets that are somewhere in between. It almost makes her forget how cold Jakku is at night, how the sand feels like ice and the wind whips right through your skin.

She draws her cloak tighter around her. It doesn’t really matter; she won’t be here much longer.

The wind fills her ears—no, not the wind. The Force, opening the bond between her and Ben.

He doesn’t say anything. He just stands beside her, waiting.

“I spent so long trying to justify why they did it.” Her voice cracks. She clears her throat. “They weren’t in their right minds, they were drunk, they were young when they had me, they meant to come back. In the end, it was just easier to pretend it had been an accident. That they left me here to keep me safe and they’d come back one day.”

They stare at the pile of stones. On most planets, the dead are buried in boxes and a marker is put over that spot to tell people who they were, when they lived, what their accomplishments were. Her parents are naked, having been stripped of their clothes by other scavengers, and the only sign that they ever existed at all is this sad pile of stones.

A pauper’s grave sounds much grander than whatever this is.

As if sensing her train of thought, Ben says, “This is a fitting place for them. You deserved so much better.”

She heaves a sigh. “It doesn’t matter now. It’s in the past.”

Ben’s fingers brush hers. “Let the past die with them. The possibilities ahead of you are endless.”

“I’ve let the past die,” she says softly. “But have you?”

The bond severs before he can answer, but that’s all right—Rey knows he isn’t ready. Not yet, anyway. Someday he will be, and when that day comes, she’ll be waiting.

She turns on her heel and makes for her ship. She will never set foot on this planet again.


	74. Chapter 74

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/B/O and light smut ahoy!

Rey hates going into heat, and half of it is because she hates finding an alpha. She either has to ask a friend, which is embarrassing, or find a random alpha, which can be dangerous. It’s also unpleasant because if the alpha is boring or an asshole, she’s stuck with them for several days. She’d only gone into this heat house because she was out of all other options (i.e. too embarrassed to ask her single alpha friends again and too fed up with going through her heat alone to do it again). Supposedly, this house is safe. They take care of omegas here, not like those seedy hotels that look the other way when alphas get too aggressive.

 

And maybe it’s just her biology talking, the omega that needs to be fucked nonstop for the next few days, but she does feel safe with Ben. Safer than she has with any other random alpha, even though Ben towers over her and has a scar running from his forehead to his chest and could almost definitely crush her if he wanted to.For all that, Ben has been nothing but gentle with her, tending to her with the soft sort of devotion of a mate.

 

 _Mate me, Alpha,_ the omega in her pleads, but she tamps down on it right away. He can’t mate her—they only met a few hours ago. It doesn’t matter how right this feels, how desperately she wants to smell like him forever—they are here for one purpose and one purpose only, and as soon as her heat has ended, they’ll go right back to being strangers.

 

She rolls onto her side, nuzzling the scent glands on his neck. “You smell right,” she whispers. She meant to tell him he smells good, but he does smell right. He smells like home, which is strange, because Rey’s never had a home in the way most people do. She’s moved around so many foster homes and cheap apartments that the idea of having a home, let alone a smell she associates with one, is ridiculous.

 

Ben makes a low rumbling sound, tightening his hold on her. “You smell right too.”

 

It sends a fresh wave of desire over Rey. She shifts, pressing her body to his. “Alpha...”

 

He rolls over her at once, scraping his teeth over her scent gland. “That’s my good omega,” he murmurs. She moans, opening her legs wider. He enters her in one swift movement, swallowing her delighted gasp with a hungry kiss.

 

“You feel right,” he says, thrusting into her. “Everything about you is right.”

 

 _Your alpha is pleased with you._ She groans, wrapping her body around his. She wants so badly to ask him to mate her, even though she knows it’s wrong, even though she knows asking to be mated during heat is like asking for sex when you’re drunk. “Ben?” she asks softly.

 

“What is it, Rey?” he says in a tone to match hers.

 

She takes a deep breath. “I might ask you to mate me, but please…however much I beg for it, don’t…don’t do it.”

 

He kisses her. “I know. I won’t. I promise.”

 

She relaxes. “Alpha,” she says again, pressing her face to his scent glands and breathing in. He smells right, he smells safe, he smells like a home she’s never known and has always wanted. It frightens her a little.

 

“Don’t be afraid,” Ben murmurs. “I feel it too.”

 

Somehow, Rey believes him.


	75. Chapter 75

Ben groans as Rey drinks…

…and drinks…

…and drinks.

“Please,” he moans. “Please, please…”

“Shh, love,” she whispers, her fangs dripping with his blood. “It’s almost time. Then you’ll drink your blood back from me and become like me.”

“Yes,” he gasps, almost orgasmic. “Yes, I want to become like you.”

“I know you do, pet.” She drinks more of his blood, groaning at the sweet, heady tang of it. She stops when she feels his heart slow, feels his mortal soul start to slip away. “Now,” she whispers, drawing back. She uses her fangs to rip into her wrist, blood dripping from the wound. “Drink of me.”

He does, latching eagerly to her wrist and drinking. She watches him with a fond smile. So good, her Ben. And now he’s hers. Forever.

“That’s enough,” she says at last, withdrawing her wrist. Ben looks up at her, mouth dripping. She can see his fangs now, and a sharpness in his eyes that wasn’t there before.

The transformation is complete.

“I’m still hungry,” he says.

“I know, darling.” She licks the blood from his mouth and chin. “We’ll feed tonight. I’ll show you how. I’ll show you everything.”

Ben takes her hand and follows her into the night.


	76. Chapter 76

Every morning before work, Rey goes to Einstein Bros and gets her usual: a plain toasted bagel with tomato and cream cheese. It’s her favorite part of the morning, sinking her teeth into that bagel. It’s the fleeting moment of happiness before she has to spend eight hours putting up with him.

Kylo Ren.

He’s not her boss, technically, but she has to do everything he tells her to do, and he could absolutely get her fired if he so chose. Rey has other duties, other things she’s supposed to be doing, but as soon as Kylo Ren stalks into her office, she knows she’s about to do some horrible, time-consuming, stress-inducing task for him.

He’s been particularly nasty lately, so on her morning commute, she’s really, really looking forward to her bagel. Like, an insane amount.

But Einstein Bros is closed. Their plumbing flooded the store, according to the sign they put on the front door. There will be no bagel for Rey today.

She very nearly cries. Her favorite part of the morning, her precious bagel, ripped so cruelly from her. What did she do to deserve this? Why, o bagel gods?

She goes to work hungry, too embittered to try to find a replacement in the fifteen minutes she has before work. She heads into the office, miserable and empty-stomached. There’s a pile of work waiting for her, and it gives her a small headache.

It’s 10:30, still early and not nearly close enough to lunch, when Kylo Ren comes in. He marches straight up to Rey’s desk. “Johnson, I need—“

And before she can stop herself, she says, “No.”

Ren stares at her. “…no?”

“No,” she repeats. “I’m sorry but…actually, I’m not sorry. I’ve been doing work for you all week and I’ve fallen behind on the things I’m actually supposed to be doing for my job and I haven’t even had my bagel which is the only good part of these godforsaken mornings putting up with your bullshit—“ She cuts herself off because Jesus, Johnson.

Ren stares at her for a long minute. “Okay,” he says at last, surprising them both. “Okay. I. Okay then.” And he stalks out of the office.

“You’re gonna get fired,” Finn says unhelpfully.

Rey spends the next half hour frantically filing things and updating spreadsheets, positive she’s going to lose her job.  
  
Ren comes back in around 11. Rey thinks he’s going to tell her to pack up her things. Instead, he hands her an Einstein Bros paper bag. Inside is a plain toasted bagel with cream cheese.

“What…?”

“Don’t think I don’t notice,” he says in an unreadable voice, stalking back out of the office.

Rey eats the bagel, smiling. Her morning just got a lot better.


	77. Chapter 77

He’s never really liked parties. They’re too loud and full of people, and it’s easy for him to start panicking in the crush of bodies and noise. So the fact that he let Rey drag him to Poe’s housewarming party is truly a testament to his affection for her, because the combination of a party and a party at Poe’s would be more than enough to deter him under normal circumstances.

He finds himself on the couch, where he doesn’t feel the crush of bodies as badly. He’s got a Heineken in one hand and his phone in the other, scrolling mindlessly through reddit as he tries to pretend the noise isn’t driving him insane.

Rey has no such reservations about the noise or number of people. She’s dancing in a way that Ben can only describe as carefree, eyes half-closed as her body flows unselfconsciously to the music. She pays little mind to the cider in her hand, which miraculously never spills. Ben marvels, not for the first time, that his girlfriend is more fae than human sometimes.

She must sense his eyes on her because she opens her own, turning and smiling at him. She keeps dancing, but she twists and spins closer to him, finally rolling her hips and shaking her head until she lands on his lap. “Hi,” she says a little breathlessly.

“Hi.” He grips her waist, holding her to him. “You look like you’re having fun.”

“I am.” She nuzzles his nose. “You look uncomfortable.”

“I am.”

She laughs, kissing his nose. “Just a little longer, and then we’ll go.”

“That’s okay. You’re having fun. That’s the important thing.”

She kisses his lips next. “I’ll make sure you have fun before the night is over.” And then she’s slipping off his lap and out of his fingers, her body moving to the music as she rejoins the crowd.

Ben doesn’t really know what he did to deserve her.


	78. Chapter 78

Last night had been good.

Last night had been very good.

It’s morning now, and Rey is too warm and comfortable in Ben’s arms, in his bed, to think too hard. He’s nuzzling her neck in the most delicious way, face scratchy with stubble. Rey sighs, burrowing deeper into his arms.

“I’ve wanted this for a long time,” he murmurs, breath warm against her skin.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He kisses her just below her ear. “I’ve been into you pretty much since I met you. I didn’t think you’d ever want to be with me.”

“I didn’t either,” she admits. “But, um, obviously that’s not true.”

“Obviously,” he echoes.

She twists her head to kiss him, and even though they both have morning breath, it’s nice.

“What a dumb argument,” he says when they break apart.

Rey frowns. “It wasn’t a dumb argument.”

It’s Ben’s turn to frown. The warm, comfortable atmosphere slowly starts to evaporate. “Yeah it was. My relationship with my parents is a dumb thing for you and me to argue about.”

Rey sits up, keeping the sheet tight against her chest. “Your mother misses you.”

“So she can go on missing me.” He sits up too, eyes blazing. “It’s none of your business what goes on in my family.”

“It is when your mother is my boss,” she retorts. “Ben, you can’t be serious—“

He huffs, reaching for her. “Look, this isn’t the best time or place for this conversation—“

Rey pushes him back. “When is?” When Ben doesn’t answer, she shakes her head. “I’m an idiot.”

“Rey…”

She ignores him, stealing the sheet from the bed as she picks around his room for her clothes. She gets dressed as best she’s able, ignoring the naked man on the bed behind her.

“Rey,” he says again, but she doesn’t look at him until she’s fully dressed.

“I don’t know what I was thinking last night,” she says, spinning her hair into a ponytail. “I probably wasn’t. But if you want this as bad as you say, you’ll do something about it.”

And with that, she walks out.


	79. Chapter 79

He sees her, for the first time since they broke up, at his mother’s wedding.

While Leia looks resplendent in a flowing white gown, her salt and pepper hair braided into a crown on her head, Rey looks positively ethereal. Her dress is a soft, wispy pink, and on her head is a pink and blue flower crown. She’s laughing at something, and he’s reminded that he is still very much in love with her.

He doesn’t get to talk to her until after the ceremony, after he’s taken what have to be five hundred pictures with his mother and new stepmother. He makes his way to where Rey’s chatting with the Tico sisters. She looks up at his approach, her smile giving way to a look of surprise. She bites her lip, watching as he comes closer.

“Hi,” he says, ignoring Rose and Paige because…well, they understand.

“Hi,” Rey says back, gripping her champagne flute.

“Can we…dance?”

He means to ask if they can talk, but he sees dancing couples over Rey’s shoulder and the words become muddled at the last moment.

“Sure.” She hands her flute to Rose and leads him out to the dance floor. Her hands rest behind his neck; his find her waist. “You look good,” she says softly.

“I’ve stopped drinking.”

She really looks at him at that. “I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks.” He swallows. “You look really good.”

“Thanks,” she murmurs.

“Cincinnati treating you well?”

“Really well.” She bites her lip. “Ben, have you really…stopped drinking?”

“Yes. I made…a lot of mistakes. Losing you was the biggest one.”

Her cheeks flush a pretty shade of pink. He has the sudden urge to kiss her.

“I never stopped loving you,” he tells her.

She shakes her head. “I didn’t know you loved me at all.”

And oh, that hurts. “I didn’t treat you the way I should have. But…I’m so much better than I was. I could….if you’d give me a second chance…”

She puts a finger to his lips, silencing him. “Let’s just see how tonight goes,” she says softly.

Ben nods and holds her close and hopes against hope.


End file.
